what is the best way?
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Slacker007 wrote:
he's just trolling you.
You could be right, but I've seen enough of Eddy's posts to know that he's too arrogant to think he might have misunderstood something. The guy never makes a mistake. :-D
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
Eddy is an asshole. simple as that.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
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Since you're German the child has certain rights. If you want to watch/spy on her activities, you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. Similarly to a daily journal; the child has right to privacy. You're allowed to block stuff on your router to limit access, but not to spy, or even read her SMS messages. Simple as that. "Das Recht auf Privatsphäre gilt als Menschenrecht". Privatsphäre von Kindern: Hinterherschnüffeln gehört sich nicht[^]
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. S
If you are correct (which is questionable) then this is just one more reason I'm glad I don't live there. :wtf:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. S
If you are correct (which is questionable) then this is just one more reason I'm glad I don't live there. :wtf:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
UN conventions of the child. Look them up; most civilized countries have laws that implement that. You like most people; want control, but dislike being controlled :D Children have rights, simple as that. That's a lot better than when they didn't (like Roman times). --edit And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar? :mad:
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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UN conventions of the child. Look them up; most civilized countries have laws that implement that. You like most people; want control, but dislike being controlled :D Children have rights, simple as that. That's a lot better than when they didn't (like Roman times). --edit And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar? :mad:
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
UN conventions of the child
First it was Germany. Now it's the UN?
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You like most people; want control
Nope, I'm not a Democrat. It's adorable though that you think you can figure me out. :-D
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Look them up
Oh, I thought maybe you actually knew what you were saying.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar?
Nope. Just delusional.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Maybe the best way would be to respect her privacy? :confused:
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Speaking of a parent of three, I totally agree. One of the tenants of parenting is trust. It will not end well if you look at her activity on the "sly". If you ask to see her activity, she will feel that she is not trustworthy, and this will not end well. Letting the "Mrs" handle it, you'll loose relationship points with your daughter. Education if always the key. Sit her down, talk about online dangers. Let her know that you can be counted on as a safety net if anything (no matter how embarrassing) happens.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Ask her about her thoughts on "internet / social safety" and parental responsibility.
It was only in wine that he laid down no limit for himself, but he did not allow himself to be confused by it. ― Confucian Analects: Rules of Confucius about his food
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
What are you particularly worried about her watching on Netflix? There are parental controls ([How do I set parental controls on my Netflix account?](https://help.netflix.com/en/node/264)), so perhaps start there. Actually monitoring exactly what she watches is not only burdensome on you, but instills in her the idea that she cannot be trusted. As a later poster has brought up, kids have to learn to be trustworthy by being trusted. If you're really concerned about adult / mature-rated stuff, then Netflix parental controls seem to be the best option, imo.
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exactly.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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Having been in that position before (two teenage daughters), I would suggest: 1. Sit down with her, and explain the dangers of internet access. You may want to acknowledge the advantages as well, just to show that you're not against internet use, only irresponsible internet use. 2. Once you have explained the dangers, explain why you wish to install an anti-virus/"family content" filter package on her phone. Emphasize that this is not so you can spy on her, but so she is not victimized by the bad actors on the internet. 3. Most of these "family content" filters allow for custom restrictions and/or monitoring the children's surfing habits. Set the options according to what you want, and tell your daughter that you are doing so. For example, some "family content" filters allow banning certain categories of sites, etc. 4. Your daughter will still be able to remove the package from her phone, but you will know it (no surfing reported?), and can take appropriate steps. Let her know what these steps will be. I hope this helps. (I haven't given recommendations for packages, because (a) I don't know what is current, and (b) it's against site policy as I understand it.)
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. -- 6079 Smith W.
Point 1 form this at least. Maybe discuss Mrs about your concerns to get her opinion of how safe she feels her daughter is on the internet. What kind of conversations have you had in the past about safety, whether that is internet or out in the world? Some top concerns that I can think that come to mind are: Sex, bullying, just plain weird stuff, mental health concern stuff, conspiracy theories All this have massive scope of what is okay and not. Watching a youtube on flat earth theory out of curiosity - great. Spending hours in chat rooms and contributing in semi-believe on flat earth - maybe a concern.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
My Suggestion; Talk to your other half about what to do - 90% of parenting is presenting a united front. Now both of you talk to your daughter, if you have SPECIFIC concerns then raise them and talk about them, if you have nebulous worries then tell her that too. Re-iterate rules about internet safety if you feel the need but don't turn a conversation into a lecture or you WILL lose your audience pretty much instantly. Make sure that you bring everything from a point of HER wellbeing, she can't raise an argument against that. Last point, for pity's sake DON'T tell her she "HAS TO STOP" doing something...Teenagers are naturally rebellious and will take it as a challenge to ignore you and probably increase the prohibited activity. Good Luck, my daughter is now 20 so I have been through it already, keep a calm cool approach and with luck she will still be talking to you tomorrow. BTW, if she throws in the odd 'I hate you' or 'I wish I had (insert daughters friends name here) parents, they are way cooler" then just let it wash over you, they don't (usually) mean it and are trying to provoke a reaction.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
-
So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Pay attention to what any child does on a phone or the internet in general. A close relative knew that her 13 yo daughter was in a group chat with her friends and was not concerned. However, over time -- in addition to the friends that were known, a few others that they didn't personally know got included. Then came the plan to meet a 13 yo boy -- that the daughter and her friends knew only through the chat -- at a nearby mall. Except the 13 yo boy was actually a 28 yo man. This was discovered when the daughter explained why they were meeting at the mall. The predator was stupid; one of the fathers checked the guy's online profile and discovered his real age. The police were brought in. Few predators are that stupid -- they produce a false online identity and it can be very difficult to track back. A cop I know was an internet crime investigator -- he mentioned how smart a lot of the criminals are in hiding their identity. Anyone who says, "Don't you trust your daughter?" is -- at best -- clueless. Children lack the experience and ability to discriminate. Given how easily many adults are taken in by scams and hoaxes, it's illogical to expect more from children. My suggestions? I did the following with my sons, who are now young adults: Work with the wife to develop a plan, and present a united front. Explain the dangers of the internet to your child and find real examples of internet crime with teenage victims, including sexual predators. Make it very real, using examples from your home area (if you can). [I discovered that explaining why to my sons went a long way in getting compliance, rather than saying "because I said so".] Explain to your child that you will be tracking and potentially limiting her usage. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't need the phone that badly. Get added to all of her online services. Explain that if you discover she's using one you're not part of, the phone and computer access go away. Be firm. Children get mad at their parents for being parents. It's part of the job.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Tell her she has one chance to change behavior, or you will choose from any or all of the following: Get a replacement credit card so the old one is invalid. Turn off WiFi for her phone. Close her wireless account.
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Yes. I'm not saying educating a teenager is never problematic. I'm just questionning whether systematically infantilizing them is a good solution in the long term.
"Five fruits and vegetables a day? What a joke! Personally, after the third watermelon, I'm full."
Whether the teen is treated as a child is entirely dependent on the choices the teen makes. The parent is not "infantilizing" them - the teen makes that choice. It is much cheaper for a person to learn consequences as a teen at home with parents than as an adult in prison with adults who really do not care. Learning self-control and making wise decisions are the most important things a teen will learn.
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So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Until the teen reaches 18 years old, they are a child and you, the parent, are legally responsible for what they do. They have no right to privacy where parents are concerned. It is the job of the parent to know what their kid is doing and in doing so, teach them right from wrong and protect them. Once they are adults, then they are responsible for themselves. If the parent did not raise and train them how to be responsible adults, they won't magically become so at 18.
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Until the teen reaches 18 years old, they are a child and you, the parent, are legally responsible for what they do. They have no right to privacy where parents are concerned. It is the job of the parent to know what their kid is doing and in doing so, teach them right from wrong and protect them. Once they are adults, then they are responsible for themselves. If the parent did not raise and train them how to be responsible adults, they won't magically become so at 18.
You need to know what they're doing in terms of "in their room (hopefully doing homework, but you know better than that)" or "out with friends" (and when they're not at home you'll never know what they're actually doing for certain). Most importantly, "not burning stuff to the ground" or "not stealing a brand new tv", but you raised them well so they won't do that. You don't need to know the level of detail of "browsing pr0n" or "drinking different beers and getting sick" (that's a good life's lesson!). Sorry to say this, but you sound like all children are out to get their parents arrested for stupid stuff they did. You did stupid stuff when you were young, I did stupid stuff when I was young and your children will do stupid stuff too, it's called growing up. Luckily, it's mostly getting drunk and throwing up or skipping class and getting detention kind of dumb stuff. I say, unless you raised an irresponsible little brat, give them a little credit and don't secretly spy on them. And if you did, they probably won't let you spy on them without a big fight in the first place. None of our parents spied on us (I presume) and we all turned out fine. Anyway, I think super's wife handled it pretty well as can be read in his latest post[^] :) It's keeping an eye out, but not flat out spying.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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You need to know what they're doing in terms of "in their room (hopefully doing homework, but you know better than that)" or "out with friends" (and when they're not at home you'll never know what they're actually doing for certain). Most importantly, "not burning stuff to the ground" or "not stealing a brand new tv", but you raised them well so they won't do that. You don't need to know the level of detail of "browsing pr0n" or "drinking different beers and getting sick" (that's a good life's lesson!). Sorry to say this, but you sound like all children are out to get their parents arrested for stupid stuff they did. You did stupid stuff when you were young, I did stupid stuff when I was young and your children will do stupid stuff too, it's called growing up. Luckily, it's mostly getting drunk and throwing up or skipping class and getting detention kind of dumb stuff. I say, unless you raised an irresponsible little brat, give them a little credit and don't secretly spy on them. And if you did, they probably won't let you spy on them without a big fight in the first place. None of our parents spied on us (I presume) and we all turned out fine. Anyway, I think super's wife handled it pretty well as can be read in his latest post[^] :) It's keeping an eye out, but not flat out spying.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
You are thinking a bit too narrowly and naively. Do you have kids? My wife and I raised three who grew up to be intelligent, educated, well-adjusted adults who now have children of their own. I did stupid things as a kid, and was held accountable for them. That is why I did not get into even worse things that would ruin my adult life and the lives of those I love. Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades. In a nutshell, it is just lazy parenting, and then making psychobabble excuses for it.
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You are thinking a bit too narrowly and naively. Do you have kids? My wife and I raised three who grew up to be intelligent, educated, well-adjusted adults who now have children of their own. I did stupid things as a kid, and was held accountable for them. That is why I did not get into even worse things that would ruin my adult life and the lives of those I love. Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades. In a nutshell, it is just lazy parenting, and then making psychobabble excuses for it.
I don't have kids of my own and don't want them.
MSBassSinger wrote:
Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades.
We do agree on that ;) I just don't think spying/stalking is the way to do it :D There's spy software so you know what your kids are browsing, which may be appropriate for young children, but really not for teens. That's what I was thinking about since super asked for "watching her activity" and "checking her phone on the sly". And to that I say, have some trust!
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
-
So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Sander Rossel wrote:
y would a parent spy on their kids?
Did your parents ever know what you were watching on TV?
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
