what is the best way?
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
What are you particularly worried about her watching on Netflix? There are parental controls ([How do I set parental controls on my Netflix account?](https://help.netflix.com/en/node/264)), so perhaps start there. Actually monitoring exactly what she watches is not only burdensome on you, but instills in her the idea that she cannot be trusted. As a later poster has brought up, kids have to learn to be trustworthy by being trusted. If you're really concerned about adult / mature-rated stuff, then Netflix parental controls seem to be the best option, imo.
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exactly.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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Having been in that position before (two teenage daughters), I would suggest: 1. Sit down with her, and explain the dangers of internet access. You may want to acknowledge the advantages as well, just to show that you're not against internet use, only irresponsible internet use. 2. Once you have explained the dangers, explain why you wish to install an anti-virus/"family content" filter package on her phone. Emphasize that this is not so you can spy on her, but so she is not victimized by the bad actors on the internet. 3. Most of these "family content" filters allow for custom restrictions and/or monitoring the children's surfing habits. Set the options according to what you want, and tell your daughter that you are doing so. For example, some "family content" filters allow banning certain categories of sites, etc. 4. Your daughter will still be able to remove the package from her phone, but you will know it (no surfing reported?), and can take appropriate steps. Let her know what these steps will be. I hope this helps. (I haven't given recommendations for packages, because (a) I don't know what is current, and (b) it's against site policy as I understand it.)
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. -- 6079 Smith W.
Point 1 form this at least. Maybe discuss Mrs about your concerns to get her opinion of how safe she feels her daughter is on the internet. What kind of conversations have you had in the past about safety, whether that is internet or out in the world? Some top concerns that I can think that come to mind are: Sex, bullying, just plain weird stuff, mental health concern stuff, conspiracy theories All this have massive scope of what is okay and not. Watching a youtube on flat earth theory out of curiosity - great. Spending hours in chat rooms and contributing in semi-believe on flat earth - maybe a concern.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
My Suggestion; Talk to your other half about what to do - 90% of parenting is presenting a united front. Now both of you talk to your daughter, if you have SPECIFIC concerns then raise them and talk about them, if you have nebulous worries then tell her that too. Re-iterate rules about internet safety if you feel the need but don't turn a conversation into a lecture or you WILL lose your audience pretty much instantly. Make sure that you bring everything from a point of HER wellbeing, she can't raise an argument against that. Last point, for pity's sake DON'T tell her she "HAS TO STOP" doing something...Teenagers are naturally rebellious and will take it as a challenge to ignore you and probably increase the prohibited activity. Good Luck, my daughter is now 20 so I have been through it already, keep a calm cool approach and with luck she will still be talking to you tomorrow. BTW, if she throws in the odd 'I hate you' or 'I wish I had (insert daughters friends name here) parents, they are way cooler" then just let it wash over you, they don't (usually) mean it and are trying to provoke a reaction.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Pay attention to what any child does on a phone or the internet in general. A close relative knew that her 13 yo daughter was in a group chat with her friends and was not concerned. However, over time -- in addition to the friends that were known, a few others that they didn't personally know got included. Then came the plan to meet a 13 yo boy -- that the daughter and her friends knew only through the chat -- at a nearby mall. Except the 13 yo boy was actually a 28 yo man. This was discovered when the daughter explained why they were meeting at the mall. The predator was stupid; one of the fathers checked the guy's online profile and discovered his real age. The police were brought in. Few predators are that stupid -- they produce a false online identity and it can be very difficult to track back. A cop I know was an internet crime investigator -- he mentioned how smart a lot of the criminals are in hiding their identity. Anyone who says, "Don't you trust your daughter?" is -- at best -- clueless. Children lack the experience and ability to discriminate. Given how easily many adults are taken in by scams and hoaxes, it's illogical to expect more from children. My suggestions? I did the following with my sons, who are now young adults: Work with the wife to develop a plan, and present a united front. Explain the dangers of the internet to your child and find real examples of internet crime with teenage victims, including sexual predators. Make it very real, using examples from your home area (if you can). [I discovered that explaining why to my sons went a long way in getting compliance, rather than saying "because I said so".] Explain to your child that you will be tracking and potentially limiting her usage. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't need the phone that badly. Get added to all of her online services. Explain that if you discover she's using one you're not part of, the phone and computer access go away. Be firm. Children get mad at their parents for being parents. It's part of the job.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Tell her she has one chance to change behavior, or you will choose from any or all of the following: Get a replacement credit card so the old one is invalid. Turn off WiFi for her phone. Close her wireless account.
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Yes. I'm not saying educating a teenager is never problematic. I'm just questionning whether systematically infantilizing them is a good solution in the long term.
"Five fruits and vegetables a day? What a joke! Personally, after the third watermelon, I'm full."
Whether the teen is treated as a child is entirely dependent on the choices the teen makes. The parent is not "infantilizing" them - the teen makes that choice. It is much cheaper for a person to learn consequences as a teen at home with parents than as an adult in prison with adults who really do not care. Learning self-control and making wise decisions are the most important things a teen will learn.
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So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Until the teen reaches 18 years old, they are a child and you, the parent, are legally responsible for what they do. They have no right to privacy where parents are concerned. It is the job of the parent to know what their kid is doing and in doing so, teach them right from wrong and protect them. Once they are adults, then they are responsible for themselves. If the parent did not raise and train them how to be responsible adults, they won't magically become so at 18.
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Until the teen reaches 18 years old, they are a child and you, the parent, are legally responsible for what they do. They have no right to privacy where parents are concerned. It is the job of the parent to know what their kid is doing and in doing so, teach them right from wrong and protect them. Once they are adults, then they are responsible for themselves. If the parent did not raise and train them how to be responsible adults, they won't magically become so at 18.
You need to know what they're doing in terms of "in their room (hopefully doing homework, but you know better than that)" or "out with friends" (and when they're not at home you'll never know what they're actually doing for certain). Most importantly, "not burning stuff to the ground" or "not stealing a brand new tv", but you raised them well so they won't do that. You don't need to know the level of detail of "browsing pr0n" or "drinking different beers and getting sick" (that's a good life's lesson!). Sorry to say this, but you sound like all children are out to get their parents arrested for stupid stuff they did. You did stupid stuff when you were young, I did stupid stuff when I was young and your children will do stupid stuff too, it's called growing up. Luckily, it's mostly getting drunk and throwing up or skipping class and getting detention kind of dumb stuff. I say, unless you raised an irresponsible little brat, give them a little credit and don't secretly spy on them. And if you did, they probably won't let you spy on them without a big fight in the first place. None of our parents spied on us (I presume) and we all turned out fine. Anyway, I think super's wife handled it pretty well as can be read in his latest post[^] :) It's keeping an eye out, but not flat out spying.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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You need to know what they're doing in terms of "in their room (hopefully doing homework, but you know better than that)" or "out with friends" (and when they're not at home you'll never know what they're actually doing for certain). Most importantly, "not burning stuff to the ground" or "not stealing a brand new tv", but you raised them well so they won't do that. You don't need to know the level of detail of "browsing pr0n" or "drinking different beers and getting sick" (that's a good life's lesson!). Sorry to say this, but you sound like all children are out to get their parents arrested for stupid stuff they did. You did stupid stuff when you were young, I did stupid stuff when I was young and your children will do stupid stuff too, it's called growing up. Luckily, it's mostly getting drunk and throwing up or skipping class and getting detention kind of dumb stuff. I say, unless you raised an irresponsible little brat, give them a little credit and don't secretly spy on them. And if you did, they probably won't let you spy on them without a big fight in the first place. None of our parents spied on us (I presume) and we all turned out fine. Anyway, I think super's wife handled it pretty well as can be read in his latest post[^] :) It's keeping an eye out, but not flat out spying.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
You are thinking a bit too narrowly and naively. Do you have kids? My wife and I raised three who grew up to be intelligent, educated, well-adjusted adults who now have children of their own. I did stupid things as a kid, and was held accountable for them. That is why I did not get into even worse things that would ruin my adult life and the lives of those I love. Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades. In a nutshell, it is just lazy parenting, and then making psychobabble excuses for it.
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You are thinking a bit too narrowly and naively. Do you have kids? My wife and I raised three who grew up to be intelligent, educated, well-adjusted adults who now have children of their own. I did stupid things as a kid, and was held accountable for them. That is why I did not get into even worse things that would ruin my adult life and the lives of those I love. Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades. In a nutshell, it is just lazy parenting, and then making psychobabble excuses for it.
I don't have kids of my own and don't want them.
MSBassSinger wrote:
Setting and enforcing boundaries and rules of behavior, while teaching the teens and pre-teens how to make the right decisions for themselves, seems to be sorely lost on a lot of parents in recent decades.
We do agree on that ;) I just don't think spying/stalking is the way to do it :D There's spy software so you know what your kids are browsing, which may be appropriate for young children, but really not for teens. That's what I was thinking about since super asked for "watching her activity" and "checking her phone on the sly". And to that I say, have some trust!
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
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So tell me, why would a parent spy on their kids? Don't you trust them? Are you worried? Spying on people usually tends to make them angry or annoyed at the least. Teens really don't need more of that. Instead, they like to feel understood and trusted. Educate them and let them know you're their and you won't be angry. Kids need to make mistakes. And if you're only spying you won't even prevent them from making mistakes, you'll only see the fact afterwards. If you did this to literally anyone else they'd sue you and you'd get a restraining order (and a fine and possibly jail time), so why is it okay to do to your kids? For the record, I don't know any parent who did this and all their kids turned out fine.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Sander Rossel wrote:
y would a parent spy on their kids?
Did your parents ever know what you were watching on TV?
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Here is how I handled mine. I created an account for myself on the services my kids were using, then I friended and followed their accounts. I did this under the pretext of Dad wanting to be involved, not as Dad is watching you. I also promised, with a smile and a wink, not to post anything that would embarrass them. I made, maybe, one post, then basically left them alone. Over time, they just forgot that Dad was there. My boys pretty much dropped using most of the social media platforms, aside from following their friends, and liking a post. My daughter still uses hers heavily. She is at an out-of-state university, and in her Junior year. Every once in a while, I will call or text her with a question or joke about a recent post. This usually gets a laugh and a "Oh yeah, I forgot you were following me", followed by a fun conversation. I have always followed the Proverbs 22:6 way of raising my kids, and showed them the trust that they would make the right choices (with loving, not punitive correction when needed). But I also let them know that Dad was always there, and always interested in them and their lives. I watch the shows and movies they tell me they like (even if I would normally not have any interest in it) so that I can carry an intelligent conversation about it. I play (at least off and on) the games they play on their phones, and always bug them to help me out (I'm really not much of a gamer, and Kingdom Hearts Union Cross is fun, but has way too many parameters for me to keep up on like they do.) I think I am slated to watch the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie soon. I think I am actually looking forward to that one. I had a rule, that as long as I was paying for their phone, they had to keep the Life360 app installed and functional. I assured them that it was so we could help in emergencies, and promised it would not be used for spying. I also pointed out they they could also see where Mom and Dad were as well. We even had one Middle School Halloween incident when one of my boys went with a group of friends to a neighborhood he was entirely unfamiliar with. He got separated from his group, and none of them had phones. After wandering around for a while, unable to find anything familiar, he called and asked us to pick him up. The app led us strait to him without any delays or hassles. My kids keep the app on their phones to this day. I even got a text from my daughter last month, "Hi Dad, I see you just got home. Can you help me with my laptop?" In a nutshell: If they
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Sander Rossel wrote:
y would a parent spy on their kids?
Did your parents ever know what you were watching on TV?
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
No, I had my own TV in my room. They also never knew what games I played. They've seen me play games like Duke Nukem and Hexen when I was like 6 or 7, so I don't think they really cared :D Although Duke Nukem scarred me for life... I played LAN with an uncle and he used the god mode to kick my ass. I've had trust issues ever since ;p Of course I knew it was just a game, so I didn't go around shooting people in real life (even though my uncle deserved it for cheating against a kid!) :D
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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No, I had my own TV in my room. They also never knew what games I played. They've seen me play games like Duke Nukem and Hexen when I was like 6 or 7, so I don't think they really cared :D Although Duke Nukem scarred me for life... I played LAN with an uncle and he used the god mode to kick my ass. I've had trust issues ever since ;p Of course I knew it was just a game, so I didn't go around shooting people in real life (even though my uncle deserved it for cheating against a kid!) :D
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Sander Rossel wrote:
I don't think they really cared
Exactly.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Sander Rossel wrote:
I don't think they really cared
Exactly.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
But they did (and do) care a lot about me. It's just that my parents considered me a responsible human being who didn't need constant supervision. Except when I failed math class and they took my computer away until I did my homework :sigh: And that time I failed my master's degree because I played too much World of Warcraft and they said "you're going to find a job NOW or we'll do it FOR YOU! :mad:" But they never told me I couldn't visit websites or not watch certain movies. I still consider them my #1 advisers in life and I talk to them at least once a week.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
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But they did (and do) care a lot about me. It's just that my parents considered me a responsible human being who didn't need constant supervision. Except when I failed math class and they took my computer away until I did my homework :sigh: And that time I failed my master's degree because I played too much World of Warcraft and they said "you're going to find a job NOW or we'll do it FOR YOU! :mad:" But they never told me I couldn't visit websites or not watch certain movies. I still consider them my #1 advisers in life and I talk to them at least once a week.
Best, Sander sanderrossel.com Migrating Applications to the Cloud with Azure arrgh.js - Bringing LINQ to JavaScript Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly
Sander Rossel wrote:
who didn't need constant supervision.
:doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Have you tried rebooting her to see if you can replicate the behavior?
