Honesty, Tact and Software Developers
-
getting where you want to go is its own reward.
Real programmers use butterflies
-
getting where you want to go is its own reward.
Real programmers use butterflies
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
One of the fundamental requirements for human communication to succeed is the ability to express yourself in a way that your audience will understand. Many programmers revel in their technical expertise and the fact that their typical audience doesn't understand them. The pathetic truth is, their ego-stroking from this view is utterly worthless. If you can't or are unwilling to communicate with others about what you are doing for them, and make the effort to do so in a manner that is understandable, then it doesn't matter how clever your code is, you are a failure as a programmer, and should exit the field.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
honey the codewitch wrote:
Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it.
When you really analyse this, it makes no sense. Politeness doesn't mean you have to lie, same with tact or kindness. In almost all circumstances (in Western culture, that is), there is no reason to be both honest and kind/polite/tactful. The idea that politeness inherently means that you have to lie / be dishonest is where you're going wrong.
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
More people in the software industry should know about the concept of psychological safety ("honesty first, but also as much niceness as possible" is the immediately relevant part). I highly recommend Amy Edmondson's book: The Fearless Organization[^]
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
Until recently, I was kind-of OK with Windows. Not enthusiastic per se, but it was good enough and it had a broad base of support, and I still had the means to remove the dysfunctional phone interface from my PC and install the classic start button instead. However, apart from the bugs (I have been spared most of them) Microsoft's current policy is to pretend that they own my PC, and interfering *directly* in my personal space. So, when MS starts nagging about, for instance, my browser choices, or asking other questions that I have already said no to, dig up a 20-levels deep checkbox, or registry or policy setting, hopefully to dig up the stfu option that will shut them up. Only to find that the next "«security update»" has "«accidentally»" undone my setting. Yeah, right. As ignorant as it may be, in the factual world this is boundary violation, and this is disrespecting the user. It is exactly this behavior that has tipped my preference in favor of Linux, despite all of its glaring UI bugs, and despite having used Windows for 30+ years. And there will be an action to change my PC OS. I am not doing this for religious reasons. I am simply doing this to keep my blood pressure in check.
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
I tried using tact once, and was told nicely to f*ck off. My boss once told me I should try to be nicer. I told him if he wanted someone to be nice, he should have hired a politician instead of a programmer.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013 -
honey the codewitch wrote:
Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it.
When you really analyse this, it makes no sense. Politeness doesn't mean you have to lie, same with tact or kindness. In almost all circumstances (in Western culture, that is), there is no reason to be both honest and kind/polite/tactful. The idea that politeness inherently means that you have to lie / be dishonest is where you're going wrong.
Jeroen_R wrote:
Politeness doesn't mean you have to lie, same with tact or kindness.
Next time your wife asks you, "Does my butt look big in this dress?", you'll probably need to lie to be polite.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013 -
Jeroen_R wrote:
Politeness doesn't mean you have to lie, same with tact or kindness.
Next time your wife asks you, "Does my butt look big in this dress?", you'll probably need to lie to be polite.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013nope. There are two possibilities 1. her butt doesn't look big in this dress => don't have to lie. 2. Her butt does look big in this dress => you can say that the dress doesn't really do her figure justice. Which is kind, polite and, important for this discussion, not a lie. (Also, I've been informed by my children that big butts are now fashionable, so the example is kinda moot :laugh: )
-
honey the codewitch wrote:
Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it.
When you really analyse this, it makes no sense. Politeness doesn't mean you have to lie, same with tact or kindness. In almost all circumstances (in Western culture, that is), there is no reason to be both honest and kind/polite/tactful. The idea that politeness inherently means that you have to lie / be dishonest is where you're going wrong.
I didn't say anything about politeness.
Real programmers use butterflies
-
Logic tells me to consult a map first if one plans to head out and don't know how to get where one plans to go. Most seem to disagree with me on that point. What sort of "reward" do you suggest in this case?
It was only in wine that he laid down no limit for himself, but he did not allow himself to be confused by it. ― Confucian Analects: Rules of Confucius about his food
Gerry Schmitz wrote:
Logic tells me to consult a map first if one plans to head out and don't know how to get where one plans to go. Most seem to disagree with me on that point.
Of course... Don't you have GPS? :omg: :omg: :omg: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :laugh: :laugh:
M.D.V. ;) If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about? Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
-
Gerry Schmitz wrote:
Logic tells me to consult a map first if one plans to head out and don't know how to get where one plans to go. Most seem to disagree with me on that point.
Of course... Don't you have GPS? :omg: :omg: :omg: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :laugh: :laugh:
M.D.V. ;) If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about? Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
-
honey the codewitch wrote:
Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it.
It's possible to be honest and nice. Up to a point. When honesty demands that the message is "you people are a bunch of incompetent morons", well, nice becomes something that falls more into the "will I lose my job if I'm honest" category than actually being nice.
honey the codewitch wrote:
But you know what? You're going to get the truth.
Rarely do people actually want to hear the truth.
honey the codewitch wrote:
None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
And you were so nice about it! :laugh:
Latest Articles:
Client-Side Type-Based Publisher/Subscriber, Exploring Synchronous, "Event-ed", and Worker Thread SubscriptionsMarc Clifton wrote:
Rarely do people actually want to hear the truth.
This triggered a long-lost memory. Something I hadn't thought of in decades. Lets just say that a conversation was ended with me asking, "if you don't to hear the answer, why do you even ask the question?" I must've won, 'cuz I clearly remember there was no follow-up. Have I mentioned I'm not married?
-
I tried using tact once, and was told nicely to f*ck off. My boss once told me I should try to be nicer. I told him if he wanted someone to be nice, he should have hired a politician instead of a programmer.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013Honesty, truth, and the ability to say that I am wrong, and you are right. Especially with product support and product QA. Programmers seldom care, they always know the are right. But as a programmer if you listen carefully you can sometimes concede that they may be right. A slippery slope.
Gifford T Nicholson
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
honey the codewitch wrote:
Many developers would place a premium on honesty.
So do I. Never been paid for "tact". I offer truth, even if it is ugly.
honey the codewitch wrote:
Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice.
Reality isn't nice. You paying extra for someone to be a suckup.
honey the codewitch wrote:
The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently.
Never learned that. I give facts, not comfort. I'm paid for the first, not the second.
honey the codewitch wrote:
So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally.
Be blunt, honest, we have to live in a reality.
honey the codewitch wrote:
And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact.
#define "little". We say what is, my task to say so, my bosses task to work with that. Never been personal, never intended to insult. Just bluntly what is, and maybe some options. Always the truth. If I was tactfull, I'd be doing marketing, or sales. I do software, it is 0 or 1, not "2" just because you like that idea.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
-
Let's face it - there's a high percentage of software developers who have great technical skill but whose people skills leave something to be desired. I'm one of them. I've encountered a lot of others too. I don't think it's a bad thing. Especially where it concerns matters of what is possible, and what isn't, and what will work, and what won't the question comes down to "Do you want honest, or nice?" The rest is just in how you deliver it. So delivery aside, given the situation where it's one or the other: Many developers would place a premium on honesty. Many folks with "soft skills" would place a premium on nice. The people that need the honesty the most - because of their tendency to be unrealistic when it comes to technical matters - is the folks with the soft skills. The only way out of this double-bind is diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. This is not easy. Sometimes it's not even possible - like - "your {family member} died" and developers often don't have the social skillset to do that consistently. And sometimes even when I hear developers talk to each other they take things personally. A lot of times probably part of it is due to the emotional investment in the project they are discussing - but other times it's just people expecting "nice" and getting "honest" - other developers do it too. So I guess we can come off as a bit salty. But you know what? You're going to get the truth. I think we can all benefit in general from remembering not to take things personally. And some of us can benefit from practicing a little tact. None of this is intended as judgment. Just honest observation..
Real programmers use butterflies
Excellent article! Agree 100%. One addition: it's not a shame to be inexperienced/unprofessional in your "IT area". But it IS big shame to be insolent in your "wrong way", when people point you at your mistakes! :mad: Primary task of youngsties not to write a lot of dumb code, but to STUDY from your professional colleagues! And if they say "man, seems your program is total cr@p", it's not about you, but about your primitive level (which of course will improve!). Take it, ask why and STUDY AGAIN. Your "university" is not finished with diploma - journey just begins! Sit and discuss all you do, why it's wrong and WRITE it. Years later you'll laugh how stupid you was and how "unacceptable" was your programs. Just 0 and 1, nothing personal. :)