Bitterness and Relationships
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Where are all the female CPians when you need them? :) Like a couple of other people have already suggested - tell her how you feel. Bring it out in the open. The truth shell set you free. I suggest doing it in person and not over email. This is why: There will be only 3 possible reactions from her in response to your feelings: 1. She feels the same way about you and she wants to be with you. 2. She does not feel the same way. She just want to be a friend or not even a friend and she tells you so. 3. She does not feel the same way, but she wants to play games and keep her options open. If it will be 1 or 2 - consider yourself very lucky. 1 is what you want. 2 is a rare case, because most women today are raised to choose 3 over 2. They would rather play a game than come out and tell you the truth. In order to distinguish between 1 and 3 you have to see her personal reaction, you have to be face to face with her. If you will not be able to tell the difference you might end up being used, manipulated and emotionally tortured for a long period of time. It is very easy to mistake 3 for 1, especially, when you in love. Your mind might tell you one thing, but your whole being does not want to listen to reason and would rather let you live in the dream world than face the facts. It is all up to how good you are at feeling and understanding of the other person and how good you are at listening to your reason. Keep your eyes wide open, watch her every move, her every face expression, her every inner motion and compare them to the words she says. By being open and with a little luck you'll be able to understand what is really going on. I hope this helps at least a little. Good luck.
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Come site down and talk to Uncle Chris. Chances are she's still getting over her boyfriend. The last thing she's thinking about is going out with another guy. Be a friend and be there for her. If it's gonna happen it will happen, but maybe not right now. If it continues on and you're just friends then is that so bad? Whatever you do don't lay it on her until you are sure she's over her BF, and be prepared to have her say she just wants to be friends (and if you don't want to just be friends with her then the relationship would have been doomed anyway). Don't put her up on an ivory tower. cheers, Chris Maunder
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
4 hours listening ... er, hmmm, talking and never made physical contact with her ? Are you asking for a bunch of geeks advice in dating ? Are you insane ? Ok, just in case: Drive your car now, go there and kiss her: 1. If she slaps you in the face, she doesn't like you. 2. If she pick a gun, you'd never want she was your girlfriend. 3. If she smiles and start taking off clothes, well, you are a lucky boy (maybe you're seeing too much XXX movies too) Now, if she starts talking you're a "good friend", a "wonderful person", go away fast and save another 4 hours of life. Crivo Automated Credit Assessment
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If you have trouble actually speaking to her about your emotions, perhaps you could write her an email. From your post,it is obvious that you write well, so putting your feelings into words should not be too hard. Hope things work out fine... Good Luck Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
See what I meant about geeks ? :) Crivo Automated Credit Assessment
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See what I meant about geeks ? :) Crivo Automated Credit Assessment
What's geekish about an email? Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
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4 hours listening ... er, hmmm, talking and never made physical contact with her ? Are you asking for a bunch of geeks advice in dating ? Are you insane ? Ok, just in case: Drive your car now, go there and kiss her: 1. If she slaps you in the face, she doesn't like you. 2. If she pick a gun, you'd never want she was your girlfriend. 3. If she smiles and start taking off clothes, well, you are a lucky boy (maybe you're seeing too much XXX movies too) Now, if she starts talking you're a "good friend", a "wonderful person", go away fast and save another 4 hours of life. Crivo Automated Credit Assessment
Wow, I was going to give some similar advice, But I think you have said it all. :-) :-) Regardz Colin J Davies
Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Talk to her about it. As in good software projects, the best relationships are always based upon communication. You might not like what she has to say but you'll feel better for knowing. Just don't mention the chatter bot program :-D Michael :-)
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Come site down and talk to Uncle Chris. Chances are she's still getting over her boyfriend. The last thing she's thinking about is going out with another guy. Be a friend and be there for her. If it's gonna happen it will happen, but maybe not right now. If it continues on and you're just friends then is that so bad? Whatever you do don't lay it on her until you are sure she's over her BF, and be prepared to have her say she just wants to be friends (and if you don't want to just be friends with her then the relationship would have been doomed anyway). Don't put her up on an ivory tower. cheers, Chris Maunder
Now wait ..... isn't this the unmarried, unattached Uncle Chris, the one that was perving on everything remotely female (even the reptiles) that went past George Gregan's coffee shop in Sydney on the day XP was launched? ;P Where does all this wisdom come from now Chris? :-D Michael Martin Australia mmartin@netspace.net.au "Don't belong. Never join. Think for yourself. Peace" - Victor Stone
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4 hours listening ... er, hmmm, talking and never made physical contact with her ? Are you asking for a bunch of geeks advice in dating ? Are you insane ? Ok, just in case: Drive your car now, go there and kiss her: 1. If she slaps you in the face, she doesn't like you. 2. If she pick a gun, you'd never want she was your girlfriend. 3. If she smiles and start taking off clothes, well, you are a lucky boy (maybe you're seeing too much XXX movies too) Now, if she starts talking you're a "good friend", a "wonderful person", go away fast and save another 4 hours of life. Crivo Automated Credit Assessment
Daniel Turini wrote: 3. If she smiles and start taking off clothes, well, you are a lucky boy (maybe you're seeing too much XXX movies too) I have come to clean zee pooollll. :-D Currently being used in a advertising campaign for StrongBow alcoholic cider. Also the stereotypical line quoted from 1970's porn. Was this plot used a lot in 1970's porn John? Michael Martin Australia mmartin@netspace.net.au "Don't belong. Never join. Think for yourself. Peace" - Victor Stone
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What's geekish about an email? Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
Nish is right. All the "in" people are using e-mail today. Even if you include AOL users. Simon Hey, it looks like you're writing a letter! Sonork ID 100.10024
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Now wait ..... isn't this the unmarried, unattached Uncle Chris, the one that was perving on everything remotely female (even the reptiles) that went past George Gregan's coffee shop in Sydney on the day XP was launched? ;P Where does all this wisdom come from now Chris? :-D Michael Martin Australia mmartin@netspace.net.au "Don't belong. Never join. Think for yourself. Peace" - Victor Stone
Michael Martin wrote: Where does all this wisdom come from now Chris? Experience :D (and I'm ignoring the first comment :P ) cheers, Chris Maunder
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Michael Martin wrote: Where does all this wisdom come from now Chris? Experience :D (and I'm ignoring the first comment :P ) cheers, Chris Maunder
Chris Maunder wrote: (and I'm ignoring the first comment ;P ) Why? Haven't you learnt by now that ignoring me or appealing to good side doesn't work, I'll still give you (or anybody else) shit like a good Aussie should. Also I didn't mention that you were looking mothers with children present up and down. :omg: Michael Martin Australia mmartin@netspace.net.au "Don't belong. Never join. Think for yourself. Peace" - Victor Stone
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Some good advice here - try 'em all and let us know what worked! But from my 47 years' experience as a geek, I'd suggest that you stay in school, buy a dog, and rent a woman. Much cheaper in the long run...
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If you have trouble actually speaking to her about your emotions, perhaps you could write her an email. From your post,it is obvious that you write well, so putting your feelings into words should not be too hard. Hope things work out fine... Good Luck Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
I have done that before and it doesn't work. Women prefer to hear it straight from the horses mouth (or so to speak!). Seriously, just tell her how you feel, as someone else said she'll either tell you where to go or she'll love you for being honest. Honesty is the key. The reason I am telling you this, is that I was in the same situation earlier this year and I let it drag out too long. the girl in question was soon "snapped up" by another girl. I talked to her about these things afterwards by which time I was too late. This screwed our friendship up and I now don't speak to her anymore. Which is sad... This scenario does sound spookily similar. I think this girl values your friendship and she befriended you at a time that things with her boyfriend were obviously not too good. Its hard to judge but the best thing to do is to ask her. Nick "The Love Doctor"
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Thanks for all the great advice! I'll be sure to let you know what happens, because I'm definitely going to do something soon... And I am a self-described nerd/geek, in my world its a compliment. Thanks. :) I suspect you are right when you say she doesn't express her emotions well. Here's what I'm going to do. I'll express it in pseduo-code for fun. BOOL GetALifeOOP(struct personality) // OOP stands for Outside Of Programming { BOOL isKissed = FALSE; BOOL isLiked = FALSE; BOOL bMet = MeetInPersion(); // Function returns TRUE if an in person meeting is made if(!bMet) return isLiked; isKissed = ExpressEmotions(personality); // Function analyzes emotion variables and returns TRUE upon a successfull // kiss. if(isKissed) isLiked = TRUE; return isLiked; } Thanks again for all the advice! We nerds sometimes need it.
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
I am in expert mode as far as this sort of thing goes, having just read 'Bridget Jones diary'. :-) My advice: Adam Arthur wrote: She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Why not ? She obviously wanted you to, and being female is probably still dissecting in her mind why you never called. If the thought of only being friends with this person was not at all enticing to you then maybe you should re-evaluate your desire to be in a relationship with her. Adam Arthur wrote: so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. Adam Arthur wrote: I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice Now THIS is superb. No, really !!! Adam Arthur wrote: So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend? Here's the serious bit. It matters not a jot what I or anyone else thinks except her. It seems to me the only sane thing to do is to stop dissecting every little thing that happens and worrying about if you may get together with her at some inteterminate time in the future, and instead when you are with her, tell her how you feel. I recently (finally) got the 'Lights, Camera, Revolution' video from Suicidal Tendencies ( bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this ), and although the lead singer when interviewed was bearly coherent and I suspect was dropped several times on his head as a baby, he said something I agree with totally - failure is not in not achieving your goal, it's in not trying to get to where you want to be. So stop asking me, and ask her, alright ? :-) P.S. Good luck..... Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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A couple of tests that usually work: 1. "I saw a beautiful girl yesterday. Not as beautiful as you are, of course :rolleyes: , but ..." 2. "It's so hard to find a decent person to be with today. Apart from you, I know almost nobody that I want to spend my time with..." 3. "If I were your boyfriend (theoreticaly, of course :rolleyes: ) I would take you to..." Just watch her reactions. P.S. My wife is watching me writing this. I'm in trouble!!! I vote pro drink :beer:
Goodness me, people play these sorts of games ? Nemanja Trifunovic wrote: P.S. My wife is watching me writing this. I'm in trouble!!! *grin* I'm ALWAYS in trouble.... Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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What's geekish about an email? Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
Apart from being a *litte* geekish ( not as much as a Flash animation, or a program written using Direct3D or OpenGL with lots of chrome mapped hearts dancing on the screen ),I think the core issue is that it's not the sort of thing one should do by proxy. Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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I have done that before and it doesn't work. Women prefer to hear it straight from the horses mouth (or so to speak!). Seriously, just tell her how you feel, as someone else said she'll either tell you where to go or she'll love you for being honest. Honesty is the key. The reason I am telling you this, is that I was in the same situation earlier this year and I let it drag out too long. the girl in question was soon "snapped up" by another girl. I talked to her about these things afterwards by which time I was too late. This screwed our friendship up and I now don't speak to her anymore. Which is sad... This scenario does sound spookily similar. I think this girl values your friendship and she befriended you at a time that things with her boyfriend were obviously not too good. Its hard to judge but the best thing to do is to ask her. Nick "The Love Doctor"
NickLewis wrote: the girl in question was soon "snapped up" by another girl. hubba hubba !! Was this a typo ? Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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But Mike The line dividing friendship and romance is sooo soooo thin. Nish Sonork ID 100.9786 voidmain www.busterboy.org If you don't find me on CP, I'll be at Bob's HungOut
Nish [BusterBoy] wrote: The line dividing friendship and romance is sooo soooo thin. That's because we are guys. Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now