Bitterness and Relationships
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
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Some good advice here - try 'em all and let us know what worked! But from my 47 years' experience as a geek, I'd suggest that you stay in school, buy a dog, and rent a woman. Much cheaper in the long run...
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Apart from being a *litte* geekish ( not as much as a Flash animation, or a program written using Direct3D or OpenGL with lots of chrome mapped hearts dancing on the screen ),I think the core issue is that it's not the sort of thing one should do by proxy. Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
****Christian Graus wrote: *litte* geekish ( not as much as a Flash animation :-O :omg: :rolleyes: I have done that. Did a whole flash animation, put it on the web and she loved it. Naturally her liking it was helped by the fact that we met online. :-D Beleive me it is the content of your message that matters, not the medium. It is not geeky or heartless to do it eletronically. Why I am sure a few hundred years ago this whole "writing on paper" thing was seen as such a bastard way to declare your love. What ever happened to the lute, some roses and a balcony?! :laugh: regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
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I have done that before and it doesn't work. Women prefer to hear it straight from the horses mouth (or so to speak!). Seriously, just tell her how you feel, as someone else said she'll either tell you where to go or she'll love you for being honest. Honesty is the key. The reason I am telling you this, is that I was in the same situation earlier this year and I let it drag out too long. the girl in question was soon "snapped up" by another girl. I talked to her about these things afterwards by which time I was too late. This screwed our friendship up and I now don't speak to her anymore. Which is sad... This scenario does sound spookily similar. I think this girl values your friendship and she befriended you at a time that things with her boyfriend were obviously not too good. Its hard to judge but the best thing to do is to ask her. Nick "The Love Doctor"
NickLewis wrote: I have done that before and it doesn't work. Content is king, the medium is just that, a medium. I have seen guys buy the world for their desire, lay it before them and fail hoplessly because what they said was purile and not from the heart. If what you say is honest and beautiful she will ignore the medium. Remember it is the content that remains in her mind afterwards, not the medium. Yes I agree in person is better than the phone and the phone is better than an email. But if one is shy or cannot spout prose till she falls into your arms and all you have is a way with words on paper or email then go for it. Content, content, content, content, content. Always, always content! regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
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Be a man. Grab her, kiss her, grunt a few times, and walk away. "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote: Be a man. Grab her, kiss her, grunt a few times, and walk away. What?!?! And not share your 31.88976377952755905511811023622 inches with her? I am disapointed in you John, go back to the navy for a bit and come back with more manly advice. ;P regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Stop acting like a friend! Ask her out on a date! Don't ask her out to talk anymore. Big difference in how a girl views you when you just want to talk vs when your purpose :rolleyes: is clear! ed 'Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.' Dr. Karl Bowman
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Adam Arthur wrote: Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend? Perhaps she's thinking the very same question about you. But neither she nor you will know the answer until one of you takes the first step and tells the other how they feel. So, why don't you start by asking her out? Women are strangely perceptive creatures. After a couple of times, she'll either let you know she's interested in you, or (assuming she's nice) will gently let you know that she's not, but will appreciate your friendship and continue to talk to you. One word of advice (like I'm an expert on the subject :)): keep your first few dates light. Engage her in conversation, don't get too deep, and have a sense of humor. Give her a chance to get to know you in a non-threatening environment. Try to share things you both like doing - rollerblading, ice-skating, whatever. Give her a chance to warm to you. If you throw poetry at her on day one, she might freak out. Speaking of poetry, once she begins to develop a more-than-friendly interest in you, let the romantic in you flourish. Do simple, mad things. But above all, be honest with her. [ Free advice from a romantic geek ] /ravi "There is always one more bug..." http://www.ravib.com ravib@ravib.com
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Adam Arthur wrote: So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend? I don't think any of us can have much insight into this as we don't know either of you very well. Love and human emotions are far too complex to sum up in a few words. So don't take what I say as the law in anyway. But as we tend to all like giving advice anyway here is mine :) If you really like her and cannot let things naturally progress then you have to take it head on by simply asking her how she feels about you. It is damned hard and you probably need the right situation. IMHO any women (or man if you are of the "other" gender) who dumps you as a friend after you come out that you like her more than as just a friend does not deserve your feelings or love. If she does this then frankly you are better off. A good friendship can survive this kind of change of "rules" quite easily, a bad one cannot. Adam Arthur wrote: I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice If FirstTimeBotUsed Then Response.Write "Don't use chatter bot programmes for real advice." :-D Seriously though that is definitley not the right thing to do. Even a Magic 8 Ball would be better! regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
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Perhaps you, as my computer programming friends, can offer some advice. Her name's Crystal. I first encountered her in an anthropology class at the local community college in 2000. I never talked to her though, but considering she was easily the most beautiful girl in the class - I certainly noticed her. Throughout the first half of 2001 we ran into each other completely randomly about 4 times. She gave me her phone number, but she had a boyfriend so I never called her. Then, my mother switches jobs and starts managing a local restaurant. On her birthday, I come to her work to deliver flowers and guess who's working there with my mother? So we talked for a while and it coincidentally turned out we had both signed up for Calculus II during the summer session, as we both needed to take Calculus III in the fall. So we saw each other nearly every day in the summer and during the fall. One Saturday, I was driving to a restaurant which happened to be by the college. As I was stopped at a red light, she came and knocked on my window. She told me she was dropping all of her classes and moving back so San Francisco because she broke up with her boyfriend. I offered to talk to her about it. It was a hot day, and I knew where some air vents were so I suggested we go there and chat. We did, and it lasted for nearly 4 hours. After that, she would call me quite frequently and we would talk for long periods of time. I even was instrumental in helping her get a new apartment. Then, shortly after she moves into her new apartment, she abruptly stops calling and I am completely unable to get ahold of her. So, after an entire month of anguish (because I really, really like this girl) I thought to myself, “I am going to completely forget about Crystal.” Not five minutes later she calls me. Confused? Just a little. So I start talking to her again. She calls me once or twice a week. I even drove her to the airport and picked her up just recently. I've never made physical contact with her, literally. I'm really confused about what to do. I even wrote a chatter bot program which spits out crude advice. So how about it? What should I do? Do you think this girl likes me for more than just a friend?
Here's the deal. Lots of people have told you, talk to her. That's good advice. However, let me also tell you what comes to mind from your description. 1) She disappears for a month. This is a very telling sign actually. What it tells, though is not as easy to discern. One reason a woman does this is because she got back together with her bf (maybe for a short time) before having troubles again. Why she would stop talking to you could be one of a few reasons. Maybe she felt sheepish talking to you about this after all the bad things that were said about the ex, or she has some feelings for you and didn't want to hurt you by telling you what happened. Another reason is that she may be confused about feelings towards you and needed to try and work them out. If that's the case, and she came back acting more like a friend than ever, it means she made her decision and it's not a bright outlook for you. The big thing to keep in mind though, is that if she was that freaked out about breaking up with him that she wanted to leave town, then he's got a hold on her, and it's not something that she will easily forget. If you two do become involved, and he comes waltzing back in her life, she may drop you like a hot potato. She may disappear again. Any number of things. My advice, since it seems like you are bothered by her actions, is get on with your life. You'll just get hurt more by her. If you think you can deal with, then push it to the next level and see what happens, otherwise... settle in for being "friends" or give up. -- Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?
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****Christian Graus wrote: *litte* geekish ( not as much as a Flash animation :-O :omg: :rolleyes: I have done that. Did a whole flash animation, put it on the web and she loved it. Naturally her liking it was helped by the fact that we met online. :-D Beleive me it is the content of your message that matters, not the medium. It is not geeky or heartless to do it eletronically. Why I am sure a few hundred years ago this whole "writing on paper" thing was seen as such a bastard way to declare your love. What ever happened to the lute, some roses and a balcony?! :laugh: regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
I think it very much depends on the girl. I admit to having two relationships in my life ( married both of em ), so my experience is somewhat limited, and leaning towards non-geeks who would have *hated* the whole flash thing. Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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NickLewis wrote: I have done that before and it doesn't work. Content is king, the medium is just that, a medium. I have seen guys buy the world for their desire, lay it before them and fail hoplessly because what they said was purile and not from the heart. If what you say is honest and beautiful she will ignore the medium. Remember it is the content that remains in her mind afterwards, not the medium. Yes I agree in person is better than the phone and the phone is better than an email. But if one is shy or cannot spout prose till she falls into your arms and all you have is a way with words on paper or email then go for it. Content, content, content, content, content. Always, always content! regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge
Paul Watson wrote: But if one is shy or cannot spout prose till she falls into your arms and all you have is a way with words on paper or email then go for it. Content, content, content, content, content. Always, always content! This, to me, a contradiction. I think that having the guts to front up in person counts for more if it's obviously not easy for you. Christian After all, there's nothing wrong with an elite as long as I'm allowed to be part of it!! - Mike Burston Oct 23, 2001
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
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I wouldn't be too quick to write her off. They are both obviously geeks. Hell, he frequents CodeProject and they are taking Calculus II & III. Maybe serious hard core geeks even. Geeks sometimes have a hard time with personal relationships and expressing themselves verbally. Maybe each is waiting for the other to make the first romantic move? Maybe each is confiding with their own "cyber buddies" on the situaton? ...but then again, maybe not. I say be open & honest and tell her how you feel. If she feels the same way, you win. If she doesn't, it clears things up so you still win. This is really very simple and a win-win proposition. I once new a guy who was the biggest flirt in the world. He hit on women all the time. He wasn't the smoothest guy in the world, or the best looking, or the smartest, or the richest. He got shot down A LOT! But then again, he scored A LOT too. His motto: She can't say no, unless you ask. Disclaimer: I too am a geek. Although I don't have any issues about expressing myself to my wife (or previous girlfriends) verbally. I do NOT use the term "geek" as an insult, it is purely descriptive in my opinion.
Mike Mullikin - Sonork 100.10096 "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
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