The Onion - God is Pissed

PJ Arends

Samantha, As you can see by the number of posts in this thread, there are many people here who say they are non-religious. The problem is that they are not comfortable with it, they seem to be searching for something in their lives, they just don't know what it is. All they know is that it can not be Christ, and they will do all they can to shout that fact from what ever pulpit they can find. I sincerely hope that one day they do find peace in their hearts. ps : I am sure this will start another flame, but hey, that's life:-D --- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

amy

I believe that i am important when i die because there is god judgement and nobody can fight god .that why you are important to yourself first. since what is the use if all poeple are in heaven and you are being punished . Amy

amy

i can understand and talk 5 languages . regards amy Amy

Mike Burston

Good, then when you learn English that will make 6 ;P ;P ----------------------------- "I leave no turn un-stoned. " - John Simmons, Nov 6 2001 -----------------------------

Mike Burston

I mean, why choose Christianity when Islam is basically the same and you get to have mutliple wives! David, you are in danger of being lured to the 'dark side' here - the superficial advantages of the "multiple wifes" concept in no way compensates for the many, many disadvantages. You have been warned ... ----------------------------- "I leave no turn un-stoned. " - John Simmons, Nov 6 2001 -----------------------------

Paul Watson

Nice one John :) you've been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!" There we have it folks. God admitting we evolved from apes :-D "To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall." All you literal nutters take note While this piece was obviously humour it definitley strikes a serious chord and makes you think. I wonder why whatever power there is has not stepped... maybe we have to be on the absolute brink before mercy arrives? regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge "In other words, the developer is dealing with an elephant, the accountant is dealing with a bunny rabbit." by Stan Shannon - 16/10/2001

Daniel Ferguson

Anyway, it's probably better just to invent your own religion anyway, that seems to have worked well for others. You can tailor it to your needs that way. Want more wives? You got it. Want virgins waiting for you in the afterlife? Alakazam, it's done! Want to always be right because 'god' is on your side? No problem, even if you contradict yourself. Hell, you can even play with poisonous snakes if you want to. The potential of religion is only limited by the power of your imagination. The only problem is that if something goes wrong you might have to die for your cause. (in case it isn't totally obvious, I'm being sarcastic) "das leid schlaft in der maschine" -Einstürzende Neubauten

realJSOP

What the hell are you talking about? The original post was meant to provide a link to a satirical post about god. Stop taking life so seriously. Religion my dyin' sphinctre... "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

realJSOP

You are a truly enlightened individual. Soon, you will be joined by other enlightened individuals. Of course, I may have to *force* enlightenment upon some of them, so I hope you're not too queasey about seeing burnt or missing body parts. "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

David Wulff

As you can see by the number of posts in this thread, there are many people here who say they are non-religious. The problem is that they are not comfortable with it, they seem to be searching for something in their lives, they just don't know what it is. That is a very arrogant view to posses. I am not, and neither are any of the non religious people I know personally, searching for anything. Why would we want to? What logical purpose would it provide? What could it give us that we can;t find on our own. Nothing expect for false hope and shielding the nasty, horrible truth of the world from opur feeble minds. I am perfectly comfortable with being a *real* athiest. David Wulff, Founder of The BLA dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com New's flash - Bob caught in kitchen incident.

David Wulff

I would never (or at least I hope I would never) need more than one wife. But if Satanism offered a herd of lesser spotted west european goats - then i;d be in like a flash. *cough*. (j/k) David Wulff, Founder of The BLA dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com New's flash - Bob caught in kitchen incident.

David Wulff

Look, amy, I respect your right to hold your own beliefs and opinions, and if you find comfort from not facing death for what it is, then good for you. You are the lucky one. You have something to look forward to. I on the other hand do not. I also do not want to, nor do I need to. I am perfectly happy knowing with the fact that I could drop dead right now in front of my computer for no apparant reason. And that would be that. But I refuse to aid the spread of false hope to those that do not need it. Religion is necesary in times of war and opression, as the false hope it instills in it's followers is needed to make their lives bearable. In the western (and norther, southern and eastern) civilised worlds, we no longer need it. In these situations it causes uneccessary grief. that why you are important to yourself first. since what is the use if all poeple are in heaven and you are being punished. I think you'll find that if this so called god followed his own rules for letting people into the wonderful place called heaven, then it would be like Wall Mart at 12 AM on a Sunday - desterted. But wait, you've already decided on the get out clause for that haven't you - he will forgive you. How very nice and convienient. I wonder if courts work like that? And based on what I do with and in my life, regardless of my lack of faith in false idol(s), I am as worthy a person to get into heaven as the Pope. Come back and continue this debate when you (as in your religion) manages to dream up some credible arguments to suggest otherwise. Untill then, watse ten hours a day talking in your head and making unnecessary self sacrificies so your imagination can rest easier at night. In that respect, I am the lucky one. David Wulff, Founder of The BLA dwulff@battleaxesoftware.com New's flash - Bob caught in kitchen incident.

sAmAnThA

"Um... just about everything ???" yeah, right.... ;P "Which god would that be ? Please be more specific when referring to deities - this is an international web site, after all. " whatever... ;P :eek:

realJSOP

Ahh, a reply guaranteed to end a discussion in its tracks. Let's break this reply down into it's component parts: > yeah, right Acquiescent, yet argumentative, but with no factual or even conjectual (is that a word?) basis for support of the claim, "right". The response is concise yet non-committal. > whatever... Again, concise and agreeable, but with a hint of righteous indignance. Once again however, no facts, rumor, or outright WAGs (wild-assed guesses) were supplied to support the argument. Overall, I'd have to score the response as a 2.0, but only because she kept her feet together, and I'm guessin that this is a common physical response to a direct frontal assault by any male. Disclaimer: As a supreme being, I retain the right to critisize anyone or anything in any way I deem necessary, regardless of the target's religion, race, sex, color, or style of dress. "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

Anna

David Wulff wrote: What are you implying? That god is really Anna? Not me Dave, but Alanis Morisette - or haven't you seen Dogma yet...? ;)