I know a little how you feel. I missed a major rail crash in the UK by almost exactly 24hrs. It was the same service I used the previous day to go to a job interview and crashed at my station in my home town. I used to commute every day on that line too so I know it like my own back yard, makes you feel very bad for a while.
"The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom, courage." Thucydides (B.C. 460-400)