What corporate buzzwords do you hate? [modified]
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Chris Losinger wrote:
we need to execute on this
That phrase has always sounded weird to me. Is it even correct english?
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
Jim Crafton wrote:
Is it even correct english?
i don't think so... it's just more of that annoying muddled management speak - they have so little understanding of what their trying to say that they can't even keep their subject and object straight. or maybe they get paid by the buzzword.
Do the chickens have large talons?
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
My top 3: - resources - a F2F meeting for face to face - perspective. (from a customer perspective, from a technical perspective, from a marketing perspective...)
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You guys are doing it all wrong ... as these types of things come up in conversation, generally while in meetings and/or speaking with Marketing/Sales weasels, you need to create your own catch phrases and "buzz words", and act like this is all perfectly normal industry "speak", all the while, watching the person you're speaking with completely loose sight of what they asked/wanted/needed. Example [Marketing Freak] Hey Doug! We spec'd out this new value-add and wanted to you to give us a ballpark on the features. We have several big TLC players that are forcing this paradigm shift; can you give me an ETA on this right now? [Me] Well, your Use Case is weak and lacks consideration regarding multi-port security issues. We'd have to create a dual-UNICODE interface to provide adequate back-end remoting support, and should probably implement using a SSL encrypted web service; that's provided IT can even supply you with the required quad core multiprocessor server you'll need to properly distribute and handle the necessary load balance. I'd estimate no less than 6 months development time estimating the overall project scope, once you've hard lined the white paper, been approved by accounting for the necessary budget increases and have verified with Microsoft that we have the proper certifications on file to avoid copyright infringement. [Marketing Freak - trying to look like he knows what the he** I just said] Sure thing buddy! Thanks! [Me] Hey! No problem, catch ya on the Teraflop. I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick. :-D
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |wxWidgets|Viksoe.dk's SiteDouglas Troy wrote:
I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick.
Fight mire with fire!
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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You guys are doing it all wrong ... as these types of things come up in conversation, generally while in meetings and/or speaking with Marketing/Sales weasels, you need to create your own catch phrases and "buzz words", and act like this is all perfectly normal industry "speak", all the while, watching the person you're speaking with completely loose sight of what they asked/wanted/needed. Example [Marketing Freak] Hey Doug! We spec'd out this new value-add and wanted to you to give us a ballpark on the features. We have several big TLC players that are forcing this paradigm shift; can you give me an ETA on this right now? [Me] Well, your Use Case is weak and lacks consideration regarding multi-port security issues. We'd have to create a dual-UNICODE interface to provide adequate back-end remoting support, and should probably implement using a SSL encrypted web service; that's provided IT can even supply you with the required quad core multiprocessor server you'll need to properly distribute and handle the necessary load balance. I'd estimate no less than 6 months development time estimating the overall project scope, once you've hard lined the white paper, been approved by accounting for the necessary budget increases and have verified with Microsoft that we have the proper certifications on file to avoid copyright infringement. [Marketing Freak - trying to look like he knows what the he** I just said] Sure thing buddy! Thanks! [Me] Hey! No problem, catch ya on the Teraflop. I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick. :-D
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |wxWidgets|Viksoe.dk's SiteDouglas Troy wrote:
[Me] Well, your Use Case is weak and lacks consideration regarding multi-port security issues. We'd have to create a dual-UNICODE interface to provide adequate back-end remoting support, and should probably implement using a SSL encrypted web service; that's provided IT can even supply you with the required quad core multiprocessor server you'll need to properly distribute and handle the necessary load balance. I'd estimate no less than 6 months development time estimating the overall project scope, once you've hard lined the white paper, been approved by accounting for the necessary budget increases and have verified with Microsoft that we have the proper certifications on file to avoid copyright infringement.
I'm impressed by the spew of jargon...but it makes a great non-answer.
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Josh Smith wrote:
Buzzword: Cycles
Ping -- Ping me when you get some spare cycles.
Jon Sagara When I grow up, I'm changing my name to Joe Kickass! My Site | My Blog | My Articles
Ping me when you have some spare cycles, so I can circle back to you, we will aquire some more resources and synergistically ballpark an estimate for adding value to our software.
Any sufficiently gross incompetence is nearly indistinguishable from malice.
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You guys are doing it all wrong ... as these types of things come up in conversation, generally while in meetings and/or speaking with Marketing/Sales weasels, you need to create your own catch phrases and "buzz words", and act like this is all perfectly normal industry "speak", all the while, watching the person you're speaking with completely loose sight of what they asked/wanted/needed. Example [Marketing Freak] Hey Doug! We spec'd out this new value-add and wanted to you to give us a ballpark on the features. We have several big TLC players that are forcing this paradigm shift; can you give me an ETA on this right now? [Me] Well, your Use Case is weak and lacks consideration regarding multi-port security issues. We'd have to create a dual-UNICODE interface to provide adequate back-end remoting support, and should probably implement using a SSL encrypted web service; that's provided IT can even supply you with the required quad core multiprocessor server you'll need to properly distribute and handle the necessary load balance. I'd estimate no less than 6 months development time estimating the overall project scope, once you've hard lined the white paper, been approved by accounting for the necessary budget increases and have verified with Microsoft that we have the proper certifications on file to avoid copyright infringement. [Marketing Freak - trying to look like he knows what the he** I just said] Sure thing buddy! Thanks! [Me] Hey! No problem, catch ya on the Teraflop. I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick. :-D
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |wxWidgets|Viksoe.dk's SiteYou rock!! :) You are my new personal hero (right after Frank Barone[^] and Al Bundy[^])! :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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Duncan Edwards Jones wrote:
"we need to get together to touch base on the slippage"
I think I saw a porno which started with that line...
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
Or maybe it was "we need to get together to ballpark on the slippage" :laugh:
Any sufficiently gross incompetence is nearly indistinguishable from malice.
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Ping me when you have some spare cycles, so I can circle back to you, we will aquire some more resources and synergistically ballpark an estimate for adding value to our software.
Any sufficiently gross incompetence is nearly indistinguishable from malice.
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You rock!! :) You are my new personal hero (right after Frank Barone[^] and Al Bundy[^])! :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
:-> well gosh, thanks Jim! It's an honor to be lumped in with Frank and Al. :laugh:
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |wxWidgets|Viksoe.dk's Site -
Champion (of a project / champion a project) Execute (we need to execute on this!) Solution (we need to be a Solution Provider!) Customer-facing (the sales people are customer-facing) VOC - (Voice Of the Customer) SWAG - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess In order to drive revenues in the long-term, and execute on this strategic vision, we must harness our core competencies and align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets. fnck yeah boyeee!
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 11:10 Friday 21st July, 2006
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SWAG is NOT that term - it is silly wild ass guess to distinguish it from WAG - a more accurate wild ass guess :)
Charlie Gilley Will program for food... Whoever said children were cheaper by the dozen... lied. My son's PDA is an M249 SAW.
i've always heard it the way i wrote it - SWAG is a more educated guess than a WAG. for example (first hit on google "SWAG Acronym") : http://www.acronymfinder.com/af-query.asp?Acronym=swag[^])
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 12:09 Friday 21st July, 2006
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Military Campaign Its a friggin war!!!!!!!!!!! And if you think that its not just a large corporation...
This statement is false.
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
I used to hear that a lot here a few years ago :laugh: And 'they' talked about business balance score card an awful lot. All engineers would be sleeping during the townhall meeting. Or even worse, they'd stay at their work place until someone present at the meeting pinged it was over and then we'd all go there and have a beer, haha. ;P
Wout
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All of them. If you don't have the capacity to explain what you are trying to say without grabbing the nearest buzzword you can find then please just keep your mouth shut. But I'd have to say "touch base" is my hated buzzword de jour.
cheers, Chris Maunder
CodeProject.com : C++ MVP
Chris Maunder wrote:
touch base
Oh, I cannot stand that one. "Let's touch base later on those ballpark figures." :mad:
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You're fired"
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001I'm with you. If it's anything but "You're fired" or "HR needs to see you - you should probably bring your attorney", then I can deal with it.
Hit & Run Poster Warning: If you want me to reply, you'll need to email me directly as I rarely have time to continually check back for responses. Tom Archer (blog) Program Manager - Windows SDK Headers, Libraries & Tools MICROSOFT
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Bassam Abdul-Baki wrote:
Think outside the box
I've tried that and I prefer to stay INSIDE THE BOX :-D
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http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/[^]
-------- "I say no to drugs, but they don't listen." - Marilyn Manson
MP (2) wrote:
Sweet link :laugh:
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I've seen that list elsewhere. Some of those are funny! SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. That's satire, baby! :cool:
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
Josh Smith wrote:
SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
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1. Blamestorming: sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. 2. Seagull manager: a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. 3. Chainsaw consultant: an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. 4. Idea hampsters: people who always have their idea generators running. 5. Mouse potato: the wired generation of couch potato 6. Prairie dogging: when someone yells or drops something loudly in the cubicle farm, all the heads pop up over walls to see the excitement. 7. SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. 8. DINKs: Dual Income, No Kids. 9. Stress puppy: a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. Alpha geek: that most knowledgable tech guy/gal in your office. 11. Assmosis: process by which some employees seem to absord success by kissing up to the boss rather than actually working.
Those are really good, here, have a 5 :)
