What corporate buzzwords do you hate? [modified]
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Do people play Buzzword Bingo any more? It got me through many a dull meeting, half of which I ran...
David Veeneman www.veeneman.com
David Veeneman wrote:
Do people play Buzzword Bingo any more?
As far as I know, my mom still does at work and managers haven't gotten the hint yet :laugh:
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back burner kills me.
Albert Pascual wrote:
back burner
I cannot stand it. Especially when added with other buzzwords. Just starts to smell when it is all burning :-D
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I hate ASAP. I also hate "I need it YESTERDAY". Neither one helps. And neither can be more uncertain from an accurate time estimate.
ajdiaz wrote:
I hate ASAP. I also hate "I need it YESTERDAY".
Yep, those two really stink :)
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Service Pack - It's not a "Service Pack" ... it's a package of "Bug Fixes" ... or Post-Marketting Hype Repairs. :-D Beta Release - In the in-shop developing environment, there is no such thing as a "Beta Release". Your "Beta" is prodution ready the first time management sees a usable screen. And you get to try keep up with the feature requests and bug fixes while the system is in full production live mode. :omg:
Shane (I really need a vaction) Brodie
sbrodie wrote:
Service Pack - It's not a "Service Pack" ... it's a package of "Bug Fixes" ... or Post-Marketting Hype Repairs
You got it. Service Pack is just a dumb way of saying Bug Fixes. Bug Fixes is shorter to type than Service Pack :rolleyes:
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Douglas Troy wrote:
I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick.
Fight mire with fire!
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
<whing> But Josh, they won't let me bring my flamethrower in the building... <whing>
Software Zen:
delete this; -
Josh Smith wrote:
Buzzword: Cycles
Ping -- Ping me when you get some spare cycles.
Jon Sagara When I grow up, I'm changing my name to Joe Kickass! My Site | My Blog | My Articles
Let me know when you guys "close the loop" on that one.
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Josh Smith wrote:
Buzzword: Ballpark
One of our managers uses "Ballpart". :rolleyes:
"He's got a lot on his mind - and it's not a load-bearing structure." - John Weak
I think it's funny when they say: "Now that's whole different ballpark"
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The whole "Paradigm" thing is alot like fingernails down a chalkboard as well! BTW, Jim Crafton, I LOVE your tag lines. El diablo esta en mis pantalones! I lauged about that for more than 15 minutes. :laugh: Yo soy un gringo, pero se hablo espanol un poquito. My co-workers thought I was nuts until I translated! I also ran your SQL query here and got the same results. My modification to it got the EXACT same results... SELECT * FROM MANAGEMENT M WHERE INTENDED_RAISE > 0 INNER JOIN FINANCE F ON F.TIGHTWAD = M.MANAGER ROTF!
Jim Evans Microsoft Certified Application Developer.NET
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
I will keep it really simple: estimate, workflow, chart. Reason for hate: if they think they deserve their money as managers, let them make their own damn charts and estimates and let me code! X(
---------- Siderite
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
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Resource(s) - can't stand that! Synergy - shudder! Value Add - whatever!!
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
"Close of business" Usage: I need that by close of business Why? Because I work in a company with more than 65000 employees, most of which are on a flexible schedule. I work 4x10's with Fridays off, my boss works 5x12 with weekends off, etc. Define "close of business", is it 3:30pm when I quit, 5pm when the boss quits? Midnight when the day ends? Why I like it? Because, Hey, when can you get it done? (In my mind, probably not today) "I'll have it by close of business!" (they won't see it until next week)
The most powerful person in any company is the DBA for the finance system
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
"Dialog" - as a VERB! "I've been dialoging with middle management about requirements for..." Just a way to replace the verb "talk" with something pompous, self-important, clueless...
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"Dialog" - as a VERB! "I've been dialoging with middle management about requirements for..." Just a way to replace the verb "talk" with something pompous, self-important, clueless...
SailingJohn wrote:
Dialog
Yuck, I cannot stand that one either.
I'd like to help but I am too lazy to Google it for you.
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Ping me when you have some spare cycles, so I can circle back to you, we will aquire some more resources and synergistically ballpark an estimate for adding value to our software.
Any sufficiently gross incompetence is nearly indistinguishable from malice.
Blake Miller wrote:
Any sufficiently gross incompetence is nearly indistinguishable from malice.
If that is something you typed as part of this post and not your sig, it's a very good one - I have half a mind to make it my sig. Unfortunately, I got my current sig less than an hour back, so I don't want to change it again.
Cheers, Vikram.
"whoever I am, I'm not other people" - Corinna John.
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Jon Yarberry wrote:
like i've found inner peace. You should get in the box, then you'd understand what I mean.
I feel more safe inside the box :-D
you're lucky to have been boxed
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
"going forward" as in "interest rates WILL increase, going forward", what'll they if the go backward "flatline" as in "interest rates will flatline, going forward" what does that mean, they'll be zero forever? "bio-security" - ie we'll ban imports to protect our farmers (voters), use taxpayers money to buy our farmers produce so we can give it to the 3rd world to avoid our citizens (voters) having to watch starving millions on their wall2wall flat screen TV's. "ballpark" - estimating attendances thereto