If it sounds too good to be true...
-
R. Giskard Reventlov wrote:
I know VB...
You're in!! Please build the life-transforming all-encompassing new platform which 8.2 billion people of the earth will begin using tomorrow. :laugh:
Here you go...
10 PRINT "Hello World!"
20 GOTO 10 -
Kevin Marois wrote:
as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry.
Ah - I see early hints of the iSuppository(tm) work here?
There are repos from Git. This will be suppos from ___PUT__!! Get it?!! nyuck nyuck! PUT. You know suppository going to get you PUTTING all over the place. :laugh: I have actually become much funnier recently. I don't even know how that is possible. ;)
-
Here you go...
10 PRINT "Hello World!"
20 GOTO 10Where do I upload your $2.5 million USD. Tomorrow we give you a raise
-
Let me run that through Google Translate... From "RecruiterSpeak" to "English"...
Kevin Marois wrote:
compensation: Doe
"All salary figures below should be assumed to represent kilograms of venison"
Kevin Marois wrote:
We are looking for an incredibly talented and gifted programmer to join us in developing a world changing platform that would be adopted by everyone in the world.
"Our platform was really revolutionary ten years ago, but it's already been done by ten other companies, and we think our trivial feature will be unique enough to compete against them."
Kevin Marois wrote:
We need a programmer who has been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager!
"If the Internet wasn't around (In its current form) when you were a teenager, you're too old and we won't hire you"
Kevin Marois wrote:
C, C++, PHP, Python, Javascript, and Go would be the languages you have mastered!
"We don't know anything about programming, but my cousin's nephew said these are really popular right now"
Kevin Marois wrote:
The pay for this position is incredibly high, between $350k to $450K annually.
"Paid in stock options that will soon become worthless"
Kevin Marois wrote:
You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed. Otherwise you are allowed to work remotely, so long as you get your tasks completed on time.
"Our 'office' is actually the CEO's basement"
Kevin Marois wrote:
Must have real talent, as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry.
"We don't know anything about the medical industry, but we heard there's a lot of money there, because... Obamacare!"
Kevin Marois wrote:
The team would be small, as there would only be 3 other programmers working with you
"We're hoping we'll be able to find 3 or 4 people stupid enough to take this job"
Kevin Marois wrote:
We have set aside 5 million to pay programmers, so this position is incredibly high paying
"In stock options, of course."
Kevin Maro
Ian Shlasko wrote:
"And please don't lie, because we'll have no way of verifying whether you actually know how to program."
That's so easy! First, just find an "interview questions" article, then...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
-
Ian Shlasko wrote:
"And please don't lie, because we'll have no way of verifying whether you actually know how to program."
That's so easy! First, just find an "interview questions" article, then...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
Can't do that! What if the candidate has read the same article? They should find about ten different "interview questions" articles, and then take a few pieces from each one... Make sure to take entire clauses, not just individual words... For example... "What's the difference between Polymorphism and Quicksort?" "How would you estimate how many manhole covers there are on an airplane?"
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Where do I upload your $2.5 million USD. Tomorrow we give you a raise
My bank account is located at the Western Union branch on the corner of Happiness and Health. Just send it to VB_Coder. I'll collect the cash and send you the rest of the code. :thumbsup:
-
Can't do that! What if the candidate has read the same article? They should find about ten different "interview questions" articles, and then take a few pieces from each one... Make sure to take entire clauses, not just individual words... For example... "What's the difference between Polymorphism and Quicksort?" "How would you estimate how many manhole covers there are on an airplane?"
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels)I thought that was the idea of "interview questions" articles? You learn 'em, the interviewer asks 'em, you parrot them back, you get the job! So obviously only the real, top quality, most experienceder of the experienciest, bestest of the bestest programmers would read them. :laugh: [OT] Google would appear to believe that "experienceder" is a real word, but "experienciest" isn't... [/OT]
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
-
Quote:
been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager
When I was a teenager, websites didn't exist... neither did the internet! My first computer was a mainframe!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
I resemble that.
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
-
For 350-450K I'd dress in drag or go full nude.
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
If I went full nude, barf bags would need to be supplied to the others. :-D
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
-
I actually interviewed for this job. Things went really well right up to the end where I was told that I would have to wear a tie on office days. I walked out and didn't look back.
-
R. Giskard Reventlov wrote:
I know VB...
You're in!! Please build the life-transforming all-encompassing new platform which 8.2 billion people of the earth will begin using tomorrow. :laugh:
newton.saber wrote:
Please build the life-transforming all-encompassing new platform which 8.2 billion people of the earth will begin using tomorrow.
Using only 4 programmers! :rolleyes:
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy. In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. – Buddha
-
Incredible Programmer with Real Talent Wanted ASAP (los angeles) compensation: Doe We are looking for an incredibly talented and gifted programmer to join us in developing a world changing platform that would be adopted by everyone in the world. We need a programmer who has been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager! C, C++, PHP, Python, Javascript, and Go would be the languages you have mastered! The pay for this position is incredibly high, between $350k to $450K annually. You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed. Otherwise you are allowed to work remotely, so long as you get your tasks completed on time. Must have real talent, as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry. The team would be small, as there would only be 3 other programmers working with you. We have set aside 5 million to pay programmers, so this position is incredibly high paying. Please apply ONLY if you are truly skilled at programming: topfreelancegigs.work
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
What you've assumed is that the pay is in US Dollars, it's not. They're actually paying you in Chilean Pesos.
-
Quote:
been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager
When I was a teenager, websites didn't exist... neither did the internet! My first computer was a mainframe!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
-
Sounds like too much work to me. You have to be there when needed. Terribly intrusive. I mean, sure, I have to be here every day, but it's rare that I'm needed. Being needed is far more hype than its worth. :laugh:
Oh crap! That sound like they're trying to replace me...
I may not last forever but the mess I leave behind certainly will.
-
newton.saber wrote:
Please build the life-transforming all-encompassing new platform which 8.2 billion people of the earth will begin using tomorrow.
Using only 4 programmers! :rolleyes:
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy. In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. – Buddha
JimmyRopes wrote:
Using only 4 programmers!
We really shouldn't need more than 1 programmer should we? I mean what would all those people do? Now, Marketers...we're going to need 100s of them. :)
-
Forogar wrote:
hen I was a teenager, websites didn't exist...
Stop your limited thinking. How're you going to get ahead like that? I personally worked on the Internet __before__ it was created. We used typewriters and shuffled the papers amongst ourselves.
I was around when the first internet virus was deployed on DARPA. Imagine the fun of single stepping a DEC 8/12 to trap it.
The difficult may take time, the impossible a little longer.
-
Incredible Programmer with Real Talent Wanted ASAP (los angeles) compensation: Doe We are looking for an incredibly talented and gifted programmer to join us in developing a world changing platform that would be adopted by everyone in the world. We need a programmer who has been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager! C, C++, PHP, Python, Javascript, and Go would be the languages you have mastered! The pay for this position is incredibly high, between $350k to $450K annually. You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed. Otherwise you are allowed to work remotely, so long as you get your tasks completed on time. Must have real talent, as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry. The team would be small, as there would only be 3 other programmers working with you. We have set aside 5 million to pay programmers, so this position is incredibly high paying. Please apply ONLY if you are truly skilled at programming: topfreelancegigs.work
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
Nothing like a little arrogance to fuel a new startup! Unfortunately, literally everyone thinks they have the next big thing; yet they never actually do. Good luck to the poor sap that gets suckered by this non-sense!
-
Incredible Programmer with Real Talent Wanted ASAP (los angeles) compensation: Doe We are looking for an incredibly talented and gifted programmer to join us in developing a world changing platform that would be adopted by everyone in the world. We need a programmer who has been developing websites and platforms since they were a teenager! C, C++, PHP, Python, Javascript, and Go would be the languages you have mastered! The pay for this position is incredibly high, between $350k to $450K annually. You will only be required to be in the office to work when needed. Otherwise you are allowed to work remotely, so long as you get your tasks completed on time. Must have real talent, as we are creating a life changing platform that will change the medical industry. The team would be small, as there would only be 3 other programmers working with you. We have set aside 5 million to pay programmers, so this position is incredibly high paying. Please apply ONLY if you are truly skilled at programming: topfreelancegigs.work
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
If my grandmother had wheels she'd be a wagon!
-
JimmyRopes wrote:
Using only 4 programmers!
We really shouldn't need more than 1 programmer should we? I mean what would all those people do? Now, Marketers...we're going to need 100s of them. :)
That's what the other three programmers are for. Three programmers are roughly equivalent to 99 marketers by my calculations. Sure there's a little bit of slack, but I'm confident if we pull together we can make up the difference!
-
What you've assumed is that the pay is in US Dollars, it's not. They're actually paying you in Chilean Pesos.
No, no, it really is paid in Dollars. OK, Zimbabwean Dollars, but hey ...
