Worst Joke Wednesday
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Q. What if he's under your car? A. Jack Hey don't worry, I can handle it. I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why are you dressed like that? - Jack Burton
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Q. Why don't blind people skydive? A. Because it scares the crap out of their dogs. And I just love... Q. What's brown and sticky? A. A stick. J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
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Confucious say: He who live in glass house, dress in basement. "When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein
Confucious say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Jon Sagara
A bottle a night isn't alcoholism - it's persistence! -- A coworker, jokingly -
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs buried in the sand? A. Doug Q. What if he's water skiing? A. Skip Q. What if he's floating in the water? A. Bob Q. What if he's standing outside your front door? A. Matt
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.Hanging on a wall? Art. Two guys hanging above a window? Curt and Rod. --Mike-- "So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us right back where we started, only more confused than before." -- Matt Gullett Ericahist | Homepage | RightClick-Encrypt | 1ClickPicGrabber
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Of course, you need to follow that with: Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot off its head.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
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Classics: Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back. Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator? A: There's a footprint in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's two footprints in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator? A: The door won't shut. Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway. Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
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Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs buried in the sand? A. Doug Q. What if he's water skiing? A. Skip Q. What if he's floating in the water? A. Bob Q. What if he's standing outside your front door? A. Matt
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching. -
I'm having a day and a half. Bad jokes needed ASAP. Lemme start: Q. Why do you look out the window in the morning? A. Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway. Q. Why don't sharks eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. cheers, Chris Maunder
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Or better yet: Q. What's red, two feet tall, and can't turn around in a hallway? A. A baby with a javellin through its head. :rolleyes: - Nitron
"Those that say a task is impossible shouldn't interrupt the ones who are doing it." - Chinese Proverb
Q. What's green and red and goes round and round and round A. A frog in a blender. cheers, Chris Maunder
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I'm having a day and a half. Bad jokes needed ASAP. Lemme start: Q. Why do you look out the window in the morning? A. Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway. Q. Why don't sharks eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. cheers, Chris Maunder
Fortune cookie say: People who live in glass houses shouldn't do housework in the nude Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Two sausages are lying in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot in here, eh buddy." The second sausage says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!!" Answer: Pass the hat. Question: What does a cannibal do 6 hours after he eats Minnie Pearl? Answer: French toast. Question: What does a lonely pastry chef do? --Mike-- "So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us right back where we started, only more confused than before." -- Matt Gullett Ericahist | Homepage | RightClick-Encrypt | 1ClickPicGrabber
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I'm having a day and a half. Bad jokes needed ASAP. Lemme start: Q. Why do you look out the window in the morning? A. Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway. Q. Why don't sharks eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. cheers, Chris Maunder
dirty ----- Q. Do you know the difference between camping and dirty, dirty sex? A. No Q. Do you want to go camping? ;) nonsense but very old ---------------------- Q. Whats the difference between a duck? A. Both of its legs are twice the same. :confused:
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Q. What's green and red and goes round and round and round A. A frog in a blender. cheers, Chris Maunder
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Of course, you need to follow that with: Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: Take your foot off its head.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
How utterly sickening! Moving on... Q: What's the only thing worse than finding 5 dead babies in a trash can? A: Finding 1 dead baby in 5 trash cans.
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Q. What goes "aaaa"? A. A sheep without lips. Regards, Brian Dela :-)
Just what have you been doing to the poor sheep? Neil Van Eps "Standard deviation not enough for perverted statistician" - Headline from the Onion June 25 2003
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Classics: Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back. Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator? A: There's a footprint in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's two footprints in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator? A: The door won't shut. Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator? A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway. Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
Shog9 wrote: Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks. Excellent, I've always loved those jokes. My personal favourites from when I was a kid are the following: Q: How does an elephant get up a tree? A: Stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow! Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree? A1: Stands on a leaf, and waits for autumn A2: It can't it gets it from ducks.
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Confucious say: He who live in glass house, dress in basement. "When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein
Confucious say: Man who go through airport door sideways is going to bangkok.
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Fortune cookie say: People who live in glass houses shouldn't do housework in the nude Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Two sausages are lying in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot in here, eh buddy." The second sausage says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!!" Answer: Pass the hat. Question: What does a cannibal do 6 hours after he eats Minnie Pearl? Answer: French toast. Question: What does a lonely pastry chef do? --Mike-- "So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us right back where we started, only more confused than before." -- Matt Gullett Ericahist | Homepage | RightClick-Encrypt | 1ClickPicGrabber
Michael Dunn wrote: Two sausages are lying in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot in here, eh buddy." The second sausage says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!!" ROTFL! I must be drunk, I'm laughing so hard at this one my eyes are running. ------------
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I'm having a day and a half. Bad jokes needed ASAP. Lemme start: Q. Why do you look out the window in the morning? A. Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway. Q. Why don't sharks eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. cheers, Chris Maunder
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Q. Why do elephants paint their balls red? A. So they can hide in cherry trees. Q. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A. Monkeys eating cherries.
There are 10 kinds of people - those that get binary and those that don't.
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Fortune cookie say: People who live in glass houses shouldn't do housework in the nude Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Two sausages are lying in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot in here, eh buddy." The second sausage says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!!" Answer: Pass the hat. Question: What does a cannibal do 6 hours after he eats Minnie Pearl? Answer: French toast. Question: What does a lonely pastry chef do? --Mike-- "So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us right back where we started, only more confused than before." -- Matt Gullett Ericahist | Homepage | RightClick-Encrypt | 1ClickPicGrabber
answer: French toast. Question: What does a lonely pastry chef do? :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Oh my aching sides! That one came through so vividly. I liked the answer first technique as well. Hoo boy, what a way to start the day.
Paul Watson
Bluegrass
Cape Town, South AfricaRobert Edward Caldecott wrote: My father-in-law calls yer man bits "weasels"