How to Hire a Programmer
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
I heard it said many times, "If you can't quote Monty Python verbatim, you have no business being sat in front of a computer" :) Henry Bergson
------------------------------------ "I want you to imagine I have a blaster in my hand" - Zaphod Beeblebrox. "You DO have a blaster in your hand" - Freighter Pilot "Yeah, so you don't have to tax your imagination too hard" - Zaphod Beeblebrox
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Does watching and enjoying Star Wars, Star Trek, and V in the past count? Otherwise my score is zero.
John
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Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
If I were to do this, I've be 5 for 5.
Christian Graus Please read this if you don't understand the answer I've given you "also I don't think "TranslateOneToTwoBillion OneHundredAndFortySevenMillion FourHundredAndEightyThreeThousand SixHundredAndFortySeven()" is a very good choice for a function name" - SpacixOne ( offering help to someone who really needed it ) ( spaces added for the benefit of people running at < 1280x1024 )
You hobbyist.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Love cats: I'm a client of four of them. They know who's boss (they are), and wish I was a little quicker on the uptake. Read Heinlein: I've read all of his stuff several times. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress I've read a dozen times or more. Play guitar: A long time ago, yes. Punster: Yes, much to the dismay of my family, friends, and coworkers. Am I a great developer? Beats me. I make a decent living at it.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Robert Royall wrote:
love cats
Nope. I like em and their fun to visit but I never want to own one.
Robert Royall wrote:
quote Monty Python
Ok
Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
See my sig :)
Robert Royall wrote:
play guitar
Does Bass Guitar count?
Robert Royall wrote:
and are accomplished punsters
Nope. I think I grew out of puns at the university since everyone else was always trying to tell the best bad pun. I suppose 3/5 isn't too bad.
Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity. --Lazarus Long
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Now that is really funny. He asked me those exact questions in a job interview with him(or someone with the same name) a few months ago.
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
i hate monty python. it's so boring. maybe im the only geek in the world that hasn't watched more than the one legged hopping knight bit.
----------------------------------------------------------- "When I first saw it, I just thought that you really, really enjoyed programming in java." - Leslie Sanford
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I once had a boss who was formally a CO on a nuclear sub. His philosophy when hiring EE's(including programmers) was to ask; "What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?". If they answered "check for toilet paper" they were 90% there to getting the job. Ironically, most of his hires were very competent.
MrPlankton
"What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?" I thought it was the ballast/presure valves being shut...I've heard some pretty funny stories about what happens when the valves are not set correctly (my brother was a bubblehead, I was aviation hunting those buggers).
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Cats: I loathe them. Monty Python: Never watched. Heinlein: Never heard of him (her?) Play guitar: Never touched one. Punster: Aaah, my saving grace. :-D
Cheers, Vikram.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
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I once had a boss who was formally a CO on a nuclear sub. His philosophy when hiring EE's(including programmers) was to ask; "What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?". If they answered "check for toilet paper" they were 90% there to getting the job. Ironically, most of his hires were very competent.
MrPlankton
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Cats: Indifferent, but highly allergic Monty Python: I worship at the alter of Graham, Terry, Terry, Michael, Eric, and John. (including Terry Gilliam's movies e.g., Brazil) Heinlein: No, but I read a ton of sci-fi. Play guitar: Barely, but I can play a lot of other instruments with anywhere from beginner to expert proficiency. Punster: Eh. Can I substitue a love of Mel Brooks or Douglas Adams for this one? I'm not terrible, but not great. EDIT: Fixed punctuation Have faith in yourself; amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.
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Cats: I loathe them. Monty Python: Never watched. Heinlein: Never heard of him (her?) Play guitar: Never touched one. Punster: Aaah, my saving grace. :-D
Cheers, Vikram.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Also in that article: "I've witnessed online pun-fests that lasted as long as a week, with as many as 30 programmers trying to outdo each other." Now would you hire a 'grammer that spends a week online in a pun-fest...? Imagine how much work they got done! :wtf: