...there is no god.... :((

Have you ever seen a caterpillar on the move, I bet you have :cool: Those things can be pretty fast... :java:

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked." Have a good day!

Hail our new rat cyborg overlords... and so it begun...

We are all friends here at codeproject, right? :cool:

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow he swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little pig. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff. "He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

I heard that before but it is still funny every time I come across it ;)

"Oh my god, that boy is ugly..." "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!!!!" "Uh, I am sorry. I didn't know you were the father..." "I AM HIS MOTHER!!!!"

That's right, I sometimes just want to set a breakpoint :)

Thanks, you recognizing it makes me feel even more home now ;) I was kind of busy raising the little ones ;)

To those who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out drinking with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere? BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the bottom and having the Balls to say, you're next chubby. I hope this clears up any confusions on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death

Somehow I assumed this would be the right place for posting abusive jokes ;)

That's a good point, as if the times on earth with the priests haven't been a "hard time" already :)

Being a non native English speaker I didn't had this opportunity till now ;)

This Asian miner is on his first day at the job. His boss tells him to go down into the mine and get some supplies. The man is gone for a long time so his boss goes down to find him. The Asian man jumps out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager. ...I'm going to hell for this... :sigh:

"Oh the shame... " I am a little bit curious now, but I doubt that I will ever give it a try ;)

Two doctors have a quick chat in the canteen. 1st doctor: We have one patient who has every disease you can imagine. Syphilis, AIDS, Herpes, Cholera, Hepatitis, ... 2nd doctor: Doh, and how do you treat him? 1st doctor: For breakfast he gets a toast, for lunch pizza and for dinner an omelette. 2nd doctor: And that helps? 1st doctor: No, but we can slide it under the door....

Thanks for pointing it out Richard. I corrected it :) ...the poor fella, his whole life crushed in a second ;)

Reminds me of this: pope finds 11th commandment[^] Unfortunately it's German, but it reads "11th commandment: enjoy sex" and the bottom line: "the pope finds 11th commandment" PS. as Richard mentioned correctly, I missed to translate the thought bubble. It says: "Shit"... it sums up all the thoughts that might run through his mind in that moment quite nicely ;)