How do you cope?
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AAntix wrote:
Last night my grandfather passed away.
My condolences. I lost my father last October. Many of us do know how you feel.
AAntix wrote:
His last 7 years he lived with Dementia, often forgetting
I hope this does not come across rude. I will say you are fairly lucky. My father did not know who I was for the last 5+ years also. I would have gladly taken occational. Again I feel for you and know it hurts. Dementia is common and due to people not dying from other causes is getting more so. I heard that 50% of those that die from old age do have some form.
AAntix wrote:
How do you live on in peace knowing the inevitable?
I know my children and friends will remember the man I was. That is enough for me. This last fathers day was rough for me. First with out dad around. However my children wrote me a letter telling me what I meant and had taught them. (Tears are comming as I write this.) It did really mean a lot and they surprised me with the details. So I ask you to tell your Dad, what Grandfather meant to you and the good memories you had. It will mean a lot to your dad (or your mother as the case may be, I am speaking from my loss.) :rose: "Yes I know the voices are not real. But they have some pretty good ideas."
Michael A. Barnhart wrote:
I know my children and friends will remember the man I was. That is enough for me. This last fathers day was rough for me. First with out dad around. However my children wrote me a letter telling me what I meant and had taught them. (Tears are comming as I write this.) It did really mean a lot and they surprised me with the details.
I think I know what I need to do for my Dad's birthday tomorrow. Thanks. :rose:
Once you wanted revolution
Now you're the institution
How's it feel to be the man? -
Go outside, pick up the nicest smoothest stone you can find. Throw it as hard as you can and as far as you can. Once it's in the air freak out, try to keep it in the air longer, run and try to catch it, do anything possible to keep it in the air. Nothing you can do is going to prevent that stone from hitting the ground. It's going to. When it does that's it. Nothing you did will have changed that. So I offer you this.
- Appreciate the stone but don't covet it.
- When you throw the stone, aim carefully. You only get one toss so make sure it's path is free of obstructions.
- Admire how well the stone flies, how while it's in the air nothing impedes it's flight.
- When it comes to the ground clear your mind. It's over.
- Go back inside and live your life the way the stone lived it's flight.
Life is not about the destination it's about the journey. Some will tell you that you need God/Religion and while I think that's excellent advice I also think you need to realize that those things you hold on to the tightest will slip through your fingers and because you clutched them so tightly you'll never learn to appreciate them for what they are or were. Consider this. Right now you are not remembering the way your grandfather lived, you are remembering how he died. How do you think he would feel about that? He lived an entire life in front of you and all you can think about is how he died? I think instead he'd want you to cherish the best things about him and to keep him alive in your memories. Death is a brutal fact of life and you may need to seek grief counselling and there's no shame in that it can be very helpful. But I really think you just need lighten your step a bit carry your best memories of him wherever you go and celebrate the fact that for him life is no longer about suffering in physical pain and mental dimentia. Remember the great man he was not the shell of a man he became.:rose:
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used
Excellent advice. :)
Once you wanted revolution
Now you're the institution
How's it feel to be the man? -
You do realize that you are attacking people for what they believe and not respecting them for it at all? If someone had replied and said, "Shalom" (SP?) would you have attacked them? I doubt it.
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool: Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now. People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?)
Shalom. I would have to say, we shouldn't devolve this thread into a religion vs. secular flamefest, simply because someone said something another didn't like.
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
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You do realize that you are attacking people for what they believe and not respecting them for it at all? If someone had replied and said, "Shalom" (SP?) would you have attacked them? I doubt it.
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool: Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now. People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
code-frog wrote:
You do realize that you are attacking people for what they believe and not respecting them for it at all?
I'm not attacking people; I'm attacking religion. The problem with some people is they take everything personally.
code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?) would you have attacked them? I doubt it.
Because it wouldn't mean the same thing as what the poster said. If someone said "God bless" I wouldn't have done anything either. Anyway, this is really turning into a SB discussion, so if we continue, at least let it be in there. Jeremy Falcon
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I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's important. You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. Find a Christian friend and ask him what this means and where to start. Let me know if I can help.
Steve Holle wrote:
There is no hope otherwise.
I'm normally one to keep quiet when it comes to all things religous. I respect people's choices to believe whatever they want. But I think you took it too far by saying that there is no hope for this poor grieving guy unless he adopts your beliefs. Come on, I'm sure the guy is confused enough with life at this point. Don't try to shove your religion down his throat at a tender moment like that! Josh
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code-frog wrote:
You don't either.
I did have a point. Perhaps my grammar didn't, but that wasn't the point.
code-frog wrote:
In fact you just created division over someone trying to show kindness and support.
To each his own. I prefer truth over believing what I've been told because I told so by my parents who had even a lesser understanding of life than future generations will. And I don't think finding the truth is ever a bad thing. And believe me, this drives my mother crazy. :laugh: Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I prefer truth over believing what I've been told because I told so by my parents who had even a lesser understanding of life than future generations will.
True or False: Nero was emperor of Rome.
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Rama Krishna Vavilala wrote:
You need to see the movie "Contact" again?
Um... no. I suffered through it twice already. :-D Jeremy Falcon
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code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?)
Shalom. I would have to say, we shouldn't devolve this thread into a religion vs. secular flamefest, simply because someone said something another didn't like.
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
Yeah you're right. It's really bad timing on my part. So, I'll lay low on the religion topic for a few days. Jeremy Falcon
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code-frog wrote:
You don't either.
I did have a point. Perhaps my grammar didn't, but that wasn't the point.
code-frog wrote:
In fact you just created division over someone trying to show kindness and support.
To each his own. I prefer truth over believing what I've been told because I told so by my parents who had even a lesser understanding of life than future generations will. And I don't think finding the truth is ever a bad thing. And believe me, this drives my mother crazy. :laugh: Jeremy Falcon
I understand what you are saying but just because you are saying it does not make you right. It doesn't make you wrong either. It takes as much faith for you to feel the way you do as it does for others to feel the way they do. Notice I don't attack you for how you feel, accuse you of being feeble minded or of inventing something to make you feel better. I don't call your stance out as ignorant or anything else. I'm totally cool with what you believe (or not) and it doesn't affect me. But then Hindus, Muslims, Catholics, Mormons and Homosexuals don't bug me either. I respect everyone and in time if their opinions become mine it's cool if my opinions become theirs it's cool.
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
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brianwelsch wrote:
That's why it's called faith.
Faith is an excuse for ignorance. Jeremy Falcon
Most of us are very opinionated on religion, one way or another, but perhaps its best to let it go, leave what was said as it is. The poster asked for peace and comfort, and we turn around by starting a flamewar about whether God exists? Ugh. Let's let this go for now.
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
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I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's important. You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. Find a Christian friend and ask him what this means and where to start. Let me know if I can help.
Steve Holle wrote:
You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. Find a Christian friend and ask him what this means and where to start.
What if he has only Muslim or Hindu friends? :rolleyes: Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New) -
code-frog wrote:
You do realize that you are attacking people for what they believe and not respecting them for it at all?
I'm not attacking people; I'm attacking religion. The problem with some people is they take everything personally.
code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?) would you have attacked them? I doubt it.
Because it wouldn't mean the same thing as what the poster said. If someone said "God bless" I wouldn't have done anything either. Anyway, this is really turning into a SB discussion, so if we continue, at least let it be in there. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I'm not attacking people; I'm attacking religion.
You were clearly attacking both.
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
The problem with some people is they take everything personally.
Religion is composed of closely held personal beliefs. When you belittle somebody's basic belief system, it's hurtful. It's like saying, "Dude, I totally banged your wife last night."
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Steve Holle wrote:
You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. Find a Christian friend and ask him what this means and where to start.
What if he has only Muslim or Hindu friends? :rolleyes: Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New)And worse yet, what if they're all militant about their religion? ;P
Once you wanted revolution
Now you're the institution
How's it feel to be the man? -
I know I'm going to get flamed for this but it's important. You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. Find a Christian friend and ask him what this means and where to start. Let me know if I can help.
Steve Holle wrote:
You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise.
Totally disagree with that! There are billions out there who don't believe in Jesus and I refuse to believe that there's no hope for them. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New) -
You said "I don't think there is a way to cope with it." then proceeded to say how balling up your emotions is the best way to help ignore tragedy rather than confront it. How is that comforting?
Actually, I tend to cope with stuff that way too. You'll be amazed how by supressing one's emotions, one can get eliminate that bad feeling. Just because it doesn't work for some, doesn't mean it doesn't work for all. :)
"Religion is assurance in numbers." - Bassam Abdul-Baki Web - Blog - RSS - Math
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You said "I don't think there is a way to cope with it." then proceeded to say how balling up your emotions is the best way to help ignore tragedy rather than confront it. How is that comforting?
espeir wrote:
then proceeded to say how balling up your emotions is the best way to help ignore tragedy rather than confront it.
Never once did I say that. Maybe you should stop assuming.
espeir wrote:
How is that comforting?
Read the whole post if it's not too much to ask. Jeremy Falcon
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code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?)
Shalom. I would have to say, we shouldn't devolve this thread into a religion vs. secular flamefest, simply because someone said something another didn't like.
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
I agree. Jeremy is constantly challenging how I think and me him both on and off the boards. We pretty much rub at one another constantly. I think we both learn stuff as we go.
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
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I understand what you are saying but just because you are saying it does not make you right. It doesn't make you wrong either. It takes as much faith for you to feel the way you do as it does for others to feel the way they do. Notice I don't attack you for how you feel, accuse you of being feeble minded or of inventing something to make you feel better. I don't call your stance out as ignorant or anything else. I'm totally cool with what you believe (or not) and it doesn't affect me. But then Hindus, Muslims, Catholics, Mormons and Homosexuals don't bug me either. I respect everyone and in time if their opinions become mine it's cool if my opinions become theirs it's cool.
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
code-frog wrote:
I understand what you are saying but just because you are saying it does not make you right.
Maybe you can explain it to me, because most everything I know has been told to me. How do I know that George Washington ever existed? I don't feel compelled to dig up his grave and perform DNA analysis to prove it.
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You don't either. In fact you just created division over someone trying to show kindness and support.:rose:
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
code-frog wrote:
In fact you just created division over someone trying to show kindness and support.
Hey Rex, This is part of what that guy said :- You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise. That last sentence about non-Jesusites having no hope was totally uncalled for! I thought it particularly selfish that he was trying to take advantage of someone's misery to preach his religious beliefs. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New) -
code-frog wrote:
You do realize that you are attacking people for what they believe and not respecting them for it at all?
I'm not attacking people; I'm attacking religion. The problem with some people is they take everything personally.
code-frog wrote:
"Shiloam" (SP?) would you have attacked them? I doubt it.
Because it wouldn't mean the same thing as what the poster said. If someone said "God bless" I wouldn't have done anything either. Anyway, this is really turning into a SB discussion, so if we continue, at least let it be in there. Jeremy Falcon
No, I agree. These are good points. Even the SB part is right. I was just shadowing all of your posts to kind of say, "Who cares. It's all good." So now I'll say, "Who cares? It's all good.":-D:rose:
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)