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QJOTD

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • L LittleYellowBird

    A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose! :-D

    Ali

    J Offline
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    Jim Crafton
    wrote on last edited by
    #14

    Nonsense, you still have the other hand free, unless it's busy doing something else...

    ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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    • J Jim Crafton

      No, I think I've had my wings clipped for now.

      ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

      M Offline
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      Michael Bookatz
      wrote on last edited by
      #15

      servers you right for flying high

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      • L LittleYellowBird

        A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead. :)

        Ali

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        Dan Neely
        wrote on last edited by
        #16

        Disagree. The one overhead will probably miss you. The one in your hand is guaranteed to crap on you.

        Today's lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don't attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots. -- Robert Royall

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        • H hairy_hats

          A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," says the barman. "The circus?" repeats the duck. "That's right," replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . . . "What on earth would they want with a plasterer?

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          NormDroid
          wrote on last edited by
          #17

          :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good, and well delivered.

          Software Kinetics - Moving software

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          • J Jim Crafton

            Nonsense, you still have the other hand free, unless it's busy doing something else...

            ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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            Dalek Dave
            wrote on last edited by
            #18

            Choking a chicken?

            ------------------------------------ "I am always serious about what I do, not necessarily about how I do it." Tom Baker

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            • N NormDroid

              :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good, and well delivered.

              Software Kinetics - Moving software

              H Offline
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              hairy_hats
              wrote on last edited by
              #19

              They sent it out twice without the punchline!

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              • M Michael Bookatz

                servers you right for flying high

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                Nagy Vilmos
                wrote on last edited by
                #20

                Is it my tern?


                Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                • N Nagy Vilmos

                  If you can't help yourself then no-one else can! BTW: Q: What did the judge say when three skunks walked into the courtroom? A: "Odor in the Court!"


                  Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                  L Offline
                  LittleYellowBird
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #21

                  williamnw wrote:

                  If you can't help yourself then no-one else can!

                  :rolleyes: I guess you are right! BTW I heard on the news today police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. :-D

                  Ali

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                  • J Jim Crafton

                    "No, but can you pass the ketchup please?" Just free-associating here...

                    ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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                    LittleYellowBird
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #22

                    :laugh: I love this, and for once I am jokeless in return!

                    Ali

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                    • L LittleYellowBird

                      :laugh: I love this, and for once I am jokeless in return!

                      Ali

                      N Offline
                      N Offline
                      Nagy Vilmos
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #23

                      what what what what what?


                      Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                      • D Dalek Dave

                        Choking a chicken?

                        ------------------------------------ "I am always serious about what I do, not necessarily about how I do it." Tom Baker

                        J Offline
                        J Offline
                        Jim Crafton
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #24

                        And with that I think we've come home to roost!

                        ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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                        • L LittleYellowBird

                          williamnw wrote:

                          If you can't help yourself then no-one else can!

                          :rolleyes: I guess you are right! BTW I heard on the news today police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. :-D

                          Ali

                          N Offline
                          N Offline
                          Nagy Vilmos
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #25

                          The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


                          Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                          • N Nagy Vilmos

                            Is it my tern?


                            Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                            R Offline
                            R Offline
                            Roger Allen
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #26

                            These are getting harder to swallow all the time.

                            If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

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                            • R Roger Allen

                              These are getting harder to swallow all the time.

                              If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                              E Offline
                              E Offline
                              Electron Shepherd
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #27

                              But if you keep it going, it'll be a feather in your cap.

                              Server and Network Monitoring

                              R 1 Reply Last reply
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                              • N Nagy Vilmos

                                what what what what what?


                                Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                                L Offline
                                L Offline
                                LittleYellowBird
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #28

                                I know I am letting my public down ... sniff :sigh: I think I maybe burnt out.... I am now devoid of all jokes and will never ever ever be funny ever again .......... well, till tomorrow anyway! :-D

                                Ali

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                                • N Nagy Vilmos

                                  The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


                                  Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                                  D Offline
                                  D Offline
                                  Dan Neely
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #29

                                  Without batting an eye the teacher replied "I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

                                  Today's lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don't attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots. -- Robert Royall

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • E Electron Shepherd

                                    But if you keep it going, it'll be a feather in your cap.

                                    Server and Network Monitoring

                                    R Offline
                                    R Offline
                                    Roger Allen
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #30

                                    These are getting flocking awful.

                                    If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                    E 1 Reply Last reply
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                                    • R Roger Allen

                                      These are getting flocking awful.

                                      If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                      E Offline
                                      E Offline
                                      Electron Shepherd
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #31

                                      I have no idea what you're storking about. I was only trying to be pheasant and keep the run going, and hen you go and complain. It's a bittern pill to swallow, really.

                                      Server and Network Monitoring

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                                      • E Electron Shepherd

                                        I have no idea what you're storking about. I was only trying to be pheasant and keep the run going, and hen you go and complain. It's a bittern pill to swallow, really.

                                        Server and Network Monitoring

                                        R Offline
                                        R Offline
                                        Roger Allen
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #32

                                        Dont have a flame'n go at me about tit! I've had moor hen enough of it myself.

                                        If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                        R OriginalGriffO 2 Replies Last reply
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                                        • R Roger Allen

                                          Dont have a flame'n go at me about tit! I've had moor hen enough of it myself.

                                          If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                          R Offline
                                          R Offline
                                          RDABC
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #33

                                          A gaggle of peeps cackling over quacked up feathers. throw();

                                          Folding for Team 32

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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