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QJOTD

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • L LittleYellowBird

    A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead. :)

    Ali

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    Dan Neely
    wrote on last edited by
    #16

    Disagree. The one overhead will probably miss you. The one in your hand is guaranteed to crap on you.

    Today's lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don't attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots. -- Robert Royall

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    • H hairy_hats

      A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," says the barman. "The circus?" repeats the duck. "That's right," replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . . . "What on earth would they want with a plasterer?

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      NormDroid
      wrote on last edited by
      #17

      :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good, and well delivered.

      Software Kinetics - Moving software

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      • J Jim Crafton

        Nonsense, you still have the other hand free, unless it's busy doing something else...

        ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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        Dalek Dave
        wrote on last edited by
        #18

        Choking a chicken?

        ------------------------------------ "I am always serious about what I do, not necessarily about how I do it." Tom Baker

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        • M Michael Bookatz

          servers you right for flying high

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          Nagy Vilmos
          wrote on last edited by
          #19

          Is it my tern?


          Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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          • N NormDroid

            :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good, and well delivered.

            Software Kinetics - Moving software

            H Offline
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            hairy_hats
            wrote on last edited by
            #20

            They sent it out twice without the punchline!

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            • N Nagy Vilmos

              If you can't help yourself then no-one else can! BTW: Q: What did the judge say when three skunks walked into the courtroom? A: "Odor in the Court!"


              Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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              L Offline
              LittleYellowBird
              wrote on last edited by
              #21

              williamnw wrote:

              If you can't help yourself then no-one else can!

              :rolleyes: I guess you are right! BTW I heard on the news today police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. :-D

              Ali

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              • J Jim Crafton

                "No, but can you pass the ketchup please?" Just free-associating here...

                ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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                LittleYellowBird
                wrote on last edited by
                #22

                :laugh: I love this, and for once I am jokeless in return!

                Ali

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                • L LittleYellowBird

                  :laugh: I love this, and for once I am jokeless in return!

                  Ali

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                  Nagy Vilmos
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #23

                  what what what what what?


                  Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                  • D Dalek Dave

                    Choking a chicken?

                    ------------------------------------ "I am always serious about what I do, not necessarily about how I do it." Tom Baker

                    J Offline
                    J Offline
                    Jim Crafton
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #24

                    And with that I think we've come home to roost!

                    ¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog Just Say No to Web 2 Point Oh

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                    • L LittleYellowBird

                      williamnw wrote:

                      If you can't help yourself then no-one else can!

                      :rolleyes: I guess you are right! BTW I heard on the news today police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. :-D

                      Ali

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                      Nagy Vilmos
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #25

                      The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


                      Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

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                      • N Nagy Vilmos

                        Is it my tern?


                        Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                        R Offline
                        R Offline
                        Roger Allen
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #26

                        These are getting harder to swallow all the time.

                        If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

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                        • R Roger Allen

                          These are getting harder to swallow all the time.

                          If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                          E Offline
                          E Offline
                          Electron Shepherd
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #27

                          But if you keep it going, it'll be a feather in your cap.

                          Server and Network Monitoring

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                          • N Nagy Vilmos

                            what what what what what?


                            Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                            L Offline
                            L Offline
                            LittleYellowBird
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #28

                            I know I am letting my public down ... sniff :sigh: I think I maybe burnt out.... I am now devoid of all jokes and will never ever ever be funny ever again .......... well, till tomorrow anyway! :-D

                            Ali

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                            • N Nagy Vilmos

                              The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


                              Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.

                              D Offline
                              D Offline
                              Dan Neely
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #29

                              Without batting an eye the teacher replied "I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

                              Today's lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don't attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots. -- Robert Royall

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                              • E Electron Shepherd

                                But if you keep it going, it'll be a feather in your cap.

                                Server and Network Monitoring

                                R Offline
                                R Offline
                                Roger Allen
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #30

                                These are getting flocking awful.

                                If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                E 1 Reply Last reply
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                                • R Roger Allen

                                  These are getting flocking awful.

                                  If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                  E Offline
                                  E Offline
                                  Electron Shepherd
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #31

                                  I have no idea what you're storking about. I was only trying to be pheasant and keep the run going, and hen you go and complain. It's a bittern pill to swallow, really.

                                  Server and Network Monitoring

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                                  • E Electron Shepherd

                                    I have no idea what you're storking about. I was only trying to be pheasant and keep the run going, and hen you go and complain. It's a bittern pill to swallow, really.

                                    Server and Network Monitoring

                                    R Offline
                                    R Offline
                                    Roger Allen
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #32

                                    Dont have a flame'n go at me about tit! I've had moor hen enough of it myself.

                                    If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                    OriginalGriffO R 2 Replies Last reply
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                                    • R Roger Allen

                                      Dont have a flame'n go at me about tit! I've had moor hen enough of it myself.

                                      If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                      R Offline
                                      R Offline
                                      RDABC
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #33

                                      A gaggle of peeps cackling over quacked up feathers. throw();

                                      Folding for Team 32

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                                      • R Roger Allen

                                        Dont have a flame'n go at me about tit! I've had moor hen enough of it myself.

                                        If you vote me down, my score will only get lower

                                        OriginalGriffO Offline
                                        OriginalGriffO Offline
                                        OriginalGriff
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #34

                                        Will you lot just duck off?

                                        No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. This message is made of fully recyclable Zeros and Ones

                                        "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                                        "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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                                        • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                                          Will you lot just duck off?

                                          No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. This message is made of fully recyclable Zeros and Ones

                                          G Offline
                                          G Offline
                                          Gary R Wheeler
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #35

                                          They do this a lot, with mallard aforethought.

                                          Software Zen: delete this;
                                          Fold With Us![^]

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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