I understand on so many levels what you're saying. I used to be the same way about having people touch my code, thinking I'm always right, thinking I'm better, etc. about a year ago. For me, it was some ego, but the real reason was I had anger issues I needed to deal with. I was angry at the world, and in the end I was the most miserable for letting things eat away at me. For one, I think you have exercised your intelligence by identifying all of this. Kudos for being mature enough to be willing to make a change. Do your soul searching because when you know your soul and heart you'll find out how to make your days brighter. How important is it to you to wake up in the mornings and be able to smile about it? It’s everything in the world to me. As far as the physical exercise. Keep it up man. Getting into shape has got to be the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself IMHO. I never leave the gym in a bad mood and always feel better after sports and jogging. Exercise is the best way to relieve anger and stress IMO. This will be key to finding what you are looking for because anger will not cloud your thoughts as much. Also, if you live in a suburban area or similar, try walking or jogging too. Being out in the sun and seeing nature in its glory while listening to music is extremely therapeutic. I started taking the journey you're taking last July. I used to weigh 337 pounds, hated everything, didn't trust women, etc. and even tried killing myself because I was miserable. I changed the inside. I changed the outside. I changed my life. Cheers to you for wanting this also. It is now May (almost June), and I weigh 230 pounds with way more muscle and less fat than even in my glory days (I have a flat stomach this time.). I no longer hate everything. It's been a bumpy road because the people I knew back then all changed. I had one friend go gay on me, another hated me because his wife started looking twice, and an old acquaintance willing to hang out with me more now because I can pull chicks these days. Just remember to stay strong on the inside if you notice your surroundings change. End the end; they will look better. I'd like to recommend a song that has helped sooth me at times. It's called, "Cool Change" by the Little River Band. I hope you like it as well. Jeremy L. Falcon Homepage : Sonork = 100.16311
Perseverance pushes past painful promenades - providing precious peace. Surely som